Hello, everyone. This is Tonya Dawn Recla, your Super Power Expert. And I have with me today a delightful woman who has been a professional matchmaker, and connecting soulmates since 2002. She also does dating coaching and all kinds of fun stuff, Marla Martenson. We met at New Media Summit recently, well recently, last year. And it’s just fun, she has a great story, she has a really great outlook on things. So, those of you who are wondering when you’re gonna find the love of your dreams, this is the show for you. She’s also an award-winning author, energy healer. She hosts her own shows, and has been interviewed on well over 100 radio and TV shows, to include the Today Show, and many, many more. So, let’s welcome Marla Martenson to the show today. Welcome, Marla.
Hey, Tonya. Thanks for having me. Hi, everyone.
Oh, you are so welcome. And so today, we are gonna be talking about dating soulmates, right? Because dating’s one thing, that’s a whole genre and conversation. And then you’ve got all of our woo-woo folks, and our spiritual folks or whatever, who really want to have that connection and to feel like it’s significant. So, I love where the conversation’s gonna go today. But before we jump right into that, let’s go ahead and ask you, “What are your superpowers?”
My superpower is that I’m a real-life Cupid.
Well, my superpower is that I’m a real-life Cupid. I connect, as you said, I connect people with their soulmates. And there’s nothing more rewarding than that. So, that’s one of my superpowers. I have kind of a lot of magical superpowers. I also, I’m a great dating coach. I write really funny memoirs, and I’m an energy healer, like you said. I do crystal healing and reiki, which opened me up to be able to do angel readings. So, I can connect with an angel. So that’s pretty superpower, magical, which people actually, a woman just ordered one this morning. And her question is, “What does the angel see for my love life, and when am I,” that’s what people want to know, “When am I gonna meet that special person?” So, they’re looking anywhere they can, even to the angelic realm, to find out.
So, tell me how all that works for you. Because it’s interesting, relationships just weren’t a thing I was gonna transmute or have challenges with, this lifetime. I knew the second, actually even before I met my husband, I knew that I was going to meet him. And the second I saw him, we just knew, all the lifetimes kind of came forward, and I just had that level of clarity. But I work with a lot of folks who don’t have that level of clarity. They have this sense that something’s coming, but they don’t see it. They don’t know what that looks like yet. How does this work?
Well, it maybe sounds cliché, but it’s that old saying, “If you don’t love yourself, how can someone else love you?” So, it does all come down to self-worth, self-love, being ready to meet that person. A lot of people will have this long list, that he’s gotta have six pack abs, or 6 feet tall, or have 1 million in the bank. Or the guy’ll say, “She’s gotta have blonde hair,” or, “She’s gotta be a size 2,” or whatever the list is, right? And always kind of looking outside themselves, like, “This person’s gonna save me, this person’s,” some women will say, “Well, I can’t get my career going. I need a man to pay my bills.” Or, “I’m lonely, so I need someone to fill that space.”
And that’s the wrong approach, because you’re kind of doing it backwards. You’ve got to be happy with yourself, happy with your life, happy where you are. Then your vibration’s gonna raise, and then people are going to be attracted to you. Who wants to be around someone who’s down, and a disaster? So, that’s really what it comes down to. So, that self-work is the foundation for attracting, finding, running into your soulmate.
Well, but we don’t like to hear that, right? Because that means that there’s work to do. We can’t blame the person for not showing up yet. And so, how do you help move people beyond the idea that this is a quick fix?
Well, and it’s not to say, listen, I had a lot of work to do on myself, but I was always in relationships. I was always, from the time I was a teenager, and I’ve been married three times. But they were not healthy relationships. They were not the right person. I learned from it. I grew. I don’t like to call people or situations mistakes, but, so it’s not to say that if you don’t do all that work you won’t meet somebody and you won’t get in the relationship. But look, there’s 50% or more divorce rate. There’s a lot of abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse in relationships. Well, why is that? That’s because we didn’t do any of the work on ourself, and got into these situations with the “wrong” person.
So yeah, there could be some work to do. But it can be fun, too. It doesn’t have to be some drudgery. We can take some classes, we can start meditating, we could maybe, if we want to feel better in our body, we’re not taking care of our body, we can find something fun to, some movement to do, yoga, or running, or whatever that is. Switching over to some organic foods. So, there’s little, subtle things that you can make it a lot of fun, too. Even if you want a career, you have to train for it, too. If you want to be a doctor, or a writer, or anything you want to do, you’ve got to learn these skills. So the same thing is true in dating.
I love that you’re taking that approach. And I really appreciate the practical kind of aspect. I think in today’s era of the Me Too, and all kinds of other things, it’s refreshing to hear you say that we have some ownership in the situations that we find ourselves in, and how we’ve equipped ourselves to be in them. And I love the analogy with the job. It’s kind of takes some of the mystique and romanticism maybe, out of the relationship conversation. But it is applicable in the sense that if you find yourself working at a job that you don’t enjoy, you can pretty easily trace back how you got there.
But I think oftentimes in relationships, because it’s this person, there’s this other thing to bounce off or to blame, it’s easy to blame that person. And I wrote about that in my first book of two rape scenarios that I experienced this lifetime, and how I was able to kind of take some ownership of that. And I don’t think that that’s a hugely popular perspective. But I do think it’s a much more realistic one. And I think that it also is what really truly aids people to move beyond, and to not create that again, and again, and again, and again. But it’s not, I mean, how do you help people who maybe have had experience in abusive situations, or not the right situations, or anything like that really take a hard look and say, “Okay, how do I change this?” as opposed to really sitting in that victim stance?
We are all damaged from either past life, DNA, from conception, the egg and the sperm, or from childhood.
Right. Well, I would through that. I had very, always with very verbally abusive men. But do you know what? I do take complete ownership, because I stayed in those relationships when I saw the signs. I mean, I’d stay for years. I stayed seven years with my ex-husband. I stayed four years with this other guy. And well, why did I do that? I grew up with a lot of alcoholism in my family, so something there, something from the childhood. Or this is all, we are all damaged from either past life, DNA, from conception, the egg and the sperm, or from childhood. We all have something that we’ve got to work through. That’s why we’re here, we’re on the Earth plane. It’s not that easy.
So, we’ve all got something to work through. Even people who seem to have everything, or these celebrities you see that, “Oh, my God, what a fairytale life,” and then all the sudden you see, oh, this guy was cheating, or they’re getting a divorce, or something happened. So, we are all working through stuff. So, when I look back, I say, “How can I blame those guys? They were just operating at the level that they knew how at the time, or they could because of their issues.” But I’m the, which, not that their behavior was acceptable, but I stayed there in that situation. I could’ve left. For whatever reasons, I was scared, I didn’t want to lose them, “Oh, I love him. We’ve got family in common. We’ve got this, or money.”
So, we can always find an excuse to stay in situations. And I know it can be hard to leave, and things. And then when people have children, I never had children, but then it gets even more complicated. But we’ve gotta take a look at, “Okay, what can I track back maybe, to my past, that I could maybe clear?” Energy work, holistic healing can help a lot with that, hypnotherapy, tapping, just journaling, meditating, taking a look. And then, working on that self-love. You have to love yourself so much that this would not be something that you want to experience in your life, or invite in or have anymore. And don’t beat yourself up about it if you did. You learned a lot. Maybe you could even help others from your pain or your past.
And yeah, with that Me Too thing, I was in situations, I was an aspiring actor for 20 years. How many times I had guys trying to get my clothes off, or on the casting couch, or trying to take me to lunch, or lying. But luckily, I wasn’t, I mean, I did put myself in different situations. I could’ve been raped, or something. But I look back and it’s just kind of laughable now, but it was terrible how they would try to do that to these girls.
But a lot of times, we can see it, too. We can see those signs. But we’re hoping, we’re still hoping, “Oh, but maybe it’s true, maybe he’s gonna put me in that movie. I’ll just stay or go to his hotel room or something.” So, the women sometimes have some, we have to take a look at, “Well, what was I doing? Was my self-esteem not high enough that I was also putting myself in some precarious positions?”
And I think that’s really refreshing. I know that’s something we talk about a lot. And ultimately, it comes down to the choices. We can continue to blame external circumstances and people, but when we can turn it back around and say, “Okay, if I had some ownership in it, in this, that means I get to change it.”
Right.
And to me, that’s a very powerful conversation.
Mm-hmm, yes. Yeah. Now, there was a time when I was physically attacked. I was almost raped by two men in my apartment. They pushed in, broke in there, and attacked me. That was a different story. I was almost killed. But at the same time, my husband at the time told me, I was moving. I was moving. We were moving from one apartment to the next across the street. And he says, “Don’t do it after sunset. Don’t do it.” And he goes, “Just wait, I’ll help you.” Because he was at work, and he says, “I’ll help you the next day.” No, I didn’t listen to him, and I kept moving boxes. And I almost got killed. Stubborn.
Interesting, yeah.
Stubborn Marla.
Very interesting. Well, very cool. We’re talking with Marla Martenson today about dating soulmates. And we are gonna take a quick rake, but before we do, Marla, where can people go to find out more about you?
My website has everything there, marlamartenson.com.
Beautiful. Well, very cool. Stick with us. When we come back we are going to help you figure out how to find your soulmate. I know it sounds like a lot of work, and this and that, and it is. But, let’s have some, we’ll come back and we’ll share some practical tips for ways that, amazing signs you can look for, how do you know it’s your soulmate, and all that yummy, fun romantic stuff that we like to talk about. So, stick with us, and we’ll be right back.
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