Why do we need boundaries in a romantic relationship? And how do we determine what our boundaries actually are? In this episode SLSP host Tatiana Berindei and Love Empowerment Coach Spyce Hogan answer these questions and more. If you’ve had trouble with boundaries or tend to be the strong woman who takes care of everyone else, you’ll want to tune in to this episode. Get some great information on the importance of boundaries and how to start implementing them NOW.
Hello everyone. Welcome to the Sex, Love, and SuperPowers podcast show. I’m your host Tatiana Berindei and today I have with me Spyce Hogan and we are going to be discussing creating healthy boundaries in romantic relationships. Very important topic.
Before we dive in, let me tell you a little bit more about Spyce. She is a lifelong performer, educator, and creative entrepreneur who loves to inspire others through her big voice and heart and her love of deep thoughts and humor. She’s a seasoned performer and producer and has written, produced, and performed in countless shows involving music, comedy, theater. As a love empowerment coach, Spyce helps strong and successful women dive deep into their psyches to discover what’s getting in their way of being successful in love and intimate relationships and provide them with tools to finally receive the love, clarity, and support they deserve.
As a sex and relationship educator and expert, Spyce has taught workshops on various aspects of alternative love and sexuality all over the country. She also has hosted the Spycey Buzz podcast for many years with past episodes available via her website. Welcome to the show Spyce.
Hey, thank you. I’m glad to be here.
Yeah. Glad to have you. So before we dive in, will you tell our listeners what your super powers are?
My superpowers? I’m somebody who was very blessed to be born to really young, supportive parents who taught me from a very early age that I had a lot of strength and power in my being, just by being who I was and by being alive. And that enabled me to be somebody who has always been really good at, just kind of asserting what it is that I want. Being able to stand up for who I am and for what I want and having a really strong sense of individuality. And that’s really helped me in my life, in my work, in my relationships. I learned to just be unapologetically myself and it also helped in a lot of other ways. I’m the kind of person who is pretty much unafraid to say what needs to be said, even if no one else is saying it and that can be a superpower.
It also sometimes comes with some adversity because sometimes people don’t want to hear certain things, but I’ve always been the person that like somebody will be like, “Damn, we’re upset about this.” And then I’m the one that goes and tells everybody, “Hey, so and so,” Or like, you know, kind of takes on the burden of being the one to communicate about what’s going on, and that’s a good thing. You know, as I said, it sometimes can come with some struggles, but I feel really good about being able to be that way. And, you know, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve really learned to be able to say things in a way that people want to hear and how much more, just how much more effective that is in communication. And also just being able to be really kind and compassionate and inspire people to do the hard things that they need to do in life because there’s always going to be those. So, but those are some of my super powers I’d say.
Beautiful. And your parents named you Spyce too, right?
Well, Spyce is a nickname I’ve had since I was a baby.
I love it.
It’s given to me, thank you. It’s given me something to live up to, you know, I can’t be a boring person. And when I asked my mom like, “Why did you call me Spyce?” She said, “You were spicy.” And I was like, “Well, how did you know?” And she said, “Oh, I just knew.”
How’s your mom feel about your line of work?
Well, I assume that she feels great about it. Unfortunately, my mom passed, so.
But my mother was the person who really taught me that sex was natural and that sex was something that was meant to be enjoyed, and to not feel shame about, and to just have great communication around sex and love. So, I know that she would be very, very happy and thrilled that I am putting myself out there. She also loved seeing me put myself out there. So anything that involves me going out there and supporting people and spreading the word of positive love and sexuality, I think is something she’d be very proud of.
I love that, I love that. Thank you for that beautiful introduction to you. So let’s talk about boundaries. I think a common misconception that we have in our culture is that once you get into a relationship with somebody, you don’t really need boundaries anymore. And whether, or not that’s like a conscious conception, I think it’s something that occurs. It’s like once you like to merge with another human, you know, it’s like the ultimate goal is to just become one. And yet boundaries are really super crucial to have clear communication, to all sorts of things. So I would love to just hear your take on boundaries and how you guide your clients around them.
Okay. So first off, I would say that like when you said the whole thing about merging, I was cringing, because I feel like as much as people want to be connected to other humans, and as much as that’s a beautiful, wonderful thing, the idea of losing ourselves in somebody else is always unhealthy and always just leads to heartache. Because the reality is, is that we’re all our own humans. We’re born alone, we die alone. And we have to be okay with that, and we have to be able to be clear about who we are. And you know, a lot of times people wind up putting their own needs onto the back burner because they’re trying so hard to be something for somebody else and to be able to be like, you know, in order to do that merge that you talk about they have to be something that they’re not.
And you know, I mean for me, I just remember like the first real relationship I had when I was a teenager, I really felt like, wow, the great thing about this relationship is that I’m doing me, the other person is doing them, and it’s fun when we get to do it together. It makes live more fun, it makes life more exciting, it makes life work better. But I’m still doing me, I’m not being anybody who I am not in order to be with this person. And I feel like people make so many compromises to an integral part of who they are in order to be in relationships.
And I feel like that’s like a really, that’s a really specific issue that causes, it just causes things to not work out very well. And I think that it causes things to not be sustainable because there’s really only so long that you can deny who you truly are.
Yeah, exactly. This is why I believe this conversation that we’re having today is such a crucially important one because everything you just said is absolutely true. We aren’t going to, I mean, yes, we understand here at Super Power Experts that we are all, we know, we believe in the concept of unity and that we all from the same source we’ll return to the same source. And we are all also enacting out these individual lives and we have to be able to be fully expressed within them in our individuality to be able to meet with a person and journey together alongside them and not try to make ourselves into one or the other because that creates a lot of messes. So we are going to have to go to a quick break, but I want to, I want to really dive in and explore this topic of boundaries with you when we get back. Before we go to break, will you tell our listeners where they can go to find out more about you and your work?
Well, my website is called Love Cleansing because a lot of what I do with people is really about cleansing through the patterns that we have in life that we’ve developed, that we’ve created and how those stop us and sabotage us from having the things that we want. So my website is lovecleansing.com.
Beautiful. So we are talking with Spyce Hogan about creating healthy boundaries in a relationship and more when we get back. Stay tuned, this is going to be a really good conversation.