Make the Most of Motherhood
Motherhood is one of the most obvious core-level relationships we have in the human experience. And, it goes without saying, it can also be one of the most complicated. Within the construct of motherhood is enwrapped our earliest memories of connection and so much of that gets carried forward into other areas of our lives. In the IM Series Expanding Motherhood, we share this definition of motherhood:
Motherhood is the complex arrangement of various roles, responsibilities, commitments, and privileges afforded to the brave souls who choose to raise the offspring.
If we expand out the definition of offspring to include that which gets created, we start to see how our very first relationships inform the roles we play. Not just our roles as children and parents, but also what we believe about creation and what we should or can expect from the world.
And when we look through the lens of the collective concepts of motherhood, we get to see how our programs, experiences and stories impact how we define ourselves as mothers. And how we value ourselves as mothers, if and when we get the opportunity to “raise the offspring.”
This is something Amber Trueblood covers so beautifully and vulnerably in her book, Stretch Marks. Amber uses her own experiences with motherhood to highlight the intricate connection between how we feel about ourselves and how we impact our children. She invites us all to look at motherhood through a different lens, embracing the miraculous, as well as the stuff we’d rather shove in the closet behind all of the other stuff we should be organizing.
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Along with all of the other complex factors of motherhood, mommy-guilt isn’t a difficult concept for most people to accept. Whether they’ve experienced it themselves or not, the fact that it isn’t far-fetched for any of us to believe that mothers can experience guilt speaks volumes about our perceptions of that role. When we can set aside the comparisons, the short-fallings, and the internal blooper reels, we start to see how to evolve the concept of motherhood into one that shapes reality from a higher perspective.
Amber offers this advice when these pesky pieces pipe up:
Imagine your self-judgments as flashes and beeps and chirps from all of your devices. Your phone, tablet, and computer are harassing you from their various speakers and screens. These, my friend, are your iShoulds. iShould really go back to work now. iShould research elementary schools. iShould call the dishwasher repair company.
She goes on to encourage us to take those iShoulds and decimate them without looking back. This undoubtedly moves us into a freer, more expansive experience with motherhood. But are we ready to release the very thing that perpetuates our own sense of discontent and disappointment? It takes courage to look those iShoulds in the face and declare that they no longer hold a grip on you and that you refuse to continue abdicating to them any longer. However, everything we want, as mothers, lies on the other side of releasing and healing the guilt that binds us to a life of imprisonment and sentences our children to carry that guilt forward with them.
Free the Offspring
And that’s the real kicker, isn’t it? Deep down inside of ourselves, we know that when we hold tight to the self-doubt, the self-incrimination, and the insistence that we see ourselves first as failures, we pass it on to our children. Whether we want to acknowledge it or not, we can see all the things we carry from our lineage and, from early ages, we can see how our children pick up those mantles and carry them right alongside us. But, what if we get to choose which stories, programs, and experiences we pass on. What if, the very act of forgiveness and atonement allows our children to integrate and move the energy in a real and final way that serves them, generations to come, generations long passed and the collective concept of motherhood in its totality.
Deep down inside of ourselves, we know that when we hold tight to the self-doubt, the self-incrimination, and the insistence that we see ourselves first as failures, we pass it on to our children. Whether we want to acknowledge it or not, we can see all the things we carry from our lineage and, from early ages, we can see how our children pick up those mantles and carry them right alongside us. But, what if we get to choose which stories, programs, and experiences we pass on. What if, the very act of forgiveness and atonement allows our children to integrate and move the energy in a real and final way that serves them, generations to come, generations long passed and the collective concept of motherhood in its totality.
Love Harder
Take advantage of this time, perhaps unanticipated and concentrated time with the kiddos, to elevate your perspective and ask how you can make the most of motherhood. Are there areas of your life that you could use more expansive exploration? Then take to heart Amber’s invitation to:
- Create more time and space in your life.
- Reveal your natural interests and talents.
- Find the best tools according to your personality, lifestyle, and values.
- Inspire the changes that’ll make you a healthier and happier parent, partner, friend, and human.
If you could use more of at least one of those in your life, do something for yourself and your family, and make some space to see your own Stretch Marks through a filter of self-love and acceptance.
