“To shave or not to shave?” is one of the controversial questions society is currently debating. In this episode of Reclamation, the Reclas: Tonya, Justin, and Neva share their thoughts on the idea of shaving the hair in different parts of the body. The Reclas added the importance of valuing your choice and the natural tendency to feel obligated to continue to shave once you’ve started. Tune in and listen to Tonya, Justin, and Neva as they tell stories of breaking social norms and freeing themselves from societal pressure. 

Neva Lee Recla:

Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Reclamation. I am Neva Lee Recla and I’m here with my mom.

Tonya Dawn Recla:

Tonya Dawn Recla.

Neva Lee Recla:

And my dad.

Justin Recla:

Justin Recla.

Tonya Dawn Recla:

Well, we talked about it and I said, absolutely. You know, I’m happy to teach you and understand you don’t have to. It’s your choice, that there’s the propensity that once you start shaving your legs or your armpits, that you somehow feel obligated to it. Right? Be aware of that and just know that you get to be in choice around it. Right? But very clearly I was presenting a model to you and there were many, many others.

Neva Lee Recla:

Exactly.

Tonya Dawn Recla:

But from the beginning, your desire to and then our willingness to sort of step into that with you was predicated on recognizing that it’s hard to stay in choice with this. It really is because of all the reasons that you’re going to bring up.

Neva Lee Recla:

Exactly. And it was about a mid-last year. So 2020 that I decided to kind of step away from that because it’s exhausting folks. I was in the shower for an hour and it was painful. The number of cuts and bruises I had on my leg, after that, was not fun. Why did I stop?

I think the main reason is that I was on social media and I was seeing things saying that you had to, so of course me being me, I decided to go against everything everyone was telling me, besides my parents and the people I love. And I was like, okay, I’m just going to stop. So I stopped and I also may dye my armpit hair now y’all like super TMI.

Justin Recla:

It’s purple.

Neva Lee Recla:

But it’s very fun. It’s purple.

Justin Recla:

It is purple.

Neva Lee Recla:

It matches my hair. It’s awesome. But I think, especially when you’re representing, wait representing? Showing up in the feminine aspect, the idea of shaving your hair, no matter where it is, is a big topic of discussion. Mom, I’m going to pass the question onto you is, and you’ve been alive much longer than me, so handling all the things you’ve seen of the feminine, how did you, I guess, step into the space of discovering what’s right for you, even when I guess society was saying you had to do something else.

Tonya Dawn Recla:

Well, in true transparency, I don’t think that I did until recently. I don’t think that I had the freedom and the flexibility to think about it in that way. It just never registered to me. Even though I talked with you about it and said, “Hey, you get to be in choice” and all these other things, honestly, similar to the decision to shave my head, which we can talk about. You actually were the one that prompted that. You were the one to suggest that and say that looking into it for yourself, set the stage for me to wonder how much I was in choice or not in choice. And I don’t know why I can’t explain it. Obviously, I have nothing against really radical moves or going against the grain or anything else.

But when you were talking about it, it was like, I don’t know that I had ever not shaved my legs or my armpits once I started on that trajectory. I didn’t feel forced to, but I was in worlds where it was simply understood that that would happen, whether it was in corporate America, in the military, in government, I worked in places where there were uniforms, where there were clothing requirements, where there was a set expectation for how a woman was going to appear. In fact, right after your dad and I got married, perhaps much to his chagrin. I made a pact to myself that I wasn’t going to do my hair or put makeup on for a year.

Justin Recla:

And I was like, what?

Tonya Dawn Recla:

It was like, surprise!

Justin Recla:

Best move ever.

Tonya Dawn Recla:

The ink had dried and everything else, right?

It actually was a problem at work because I wasn’t wearing makeup and I was reprimanded for it. It was fascinating to me to go through that process and I don’t know that I realized just how many layers deep, my lack of choice at a subconscious level was until this little experiment we’ve been doing. In true form, our daughter opens up spaces and we start exploring them. And I stopped shaving my legs and my armpits to see really what would happen and how I felt about it. And it’s been such a remarkable journey. Thank you my love for even bringing it up in a way that was like, oh, that’s accessible for me also.

Neva Lee Recla:

Yeah. And thank you for being open to it. I think the topic, especially me growing up in spaces of social media and stuff, and we talked about this, I did a video called It Stops Here Now, talking about going against standards basically, and going against the judgment that we faced in the world.

I think one when I see something that tells me what I’m supposed to do, I’m basically always going to do the opposite. I still listen to my parents, folks, do that. But when it comes to social standards, I’m basically always going to do the exact opposite. And it’s not even that I quote like rebelling. It’s just, I want to experience, I guess, that freedom because there is freedom in choosing to purposely not do what you’re supposed to do. Dad, I want to pass it on to you because you both shave your heads. When I talk to people, I say go find the two bald people. Because you’re that one couple that’s just bald. Dad, how do you handle shaving your head?

Justin Recla:

Well, for me it was I looked better with a shaved head because my hair started falling out. I like to joke around and say that my hair started making a mad dash for my back end when I was 25. And for me, it was super simple because I looked like Friar Tuck and I didn’t want to look like Friar Tuck. And I took the advice. Matter of fact, I saw, no, that’s not true I didn’t see the video on social media. There was a video that came out, later on, that said, “Shave your head and grow a goatee.”

But that’s what I did. I started shaving my head and growing a goatee. For me shaving was the exact opposite of stopping shaving, right? Because for me the body image issues that came up around looking like Friar Tuck for me was the exact same. It was like, well, I know a lot of guys who worry about their hair falling out and they wish they had a full head of hair. It’s kind of a joke in men’s circles. And for me, just shaving my head was such a way to empower myself to really step into more of who I am.

Neva Lee Recla:

Yeah. That’s awesome, I think. And when anything around the idea of self-image comes about, I think it’s amazing to experiment in it, because I think you should be able to love how you look and feel good about yourself. Even if that’s going against what society says. And to me most of the time it is, and that’s what makes me feel good. But we’re not saying you have to shave, or don’t have to shave, To Shave or Not to Shave, is the literal title of this episode.

Our point to this conversation, we are about to get in a break, is to find who you are, find what you love to do, and what makes you happy and makes you feel good because you never know it could inspire someone else to do the same. I’m excited to continue this conversation y’all.

We are going to get into a quick break, but before the break, make sure to go to superpowerexperts.com, which is our website, if you didn’t know, and check out the Super Power Universe, if you want to play with us more and get in this, as mom would say, yummy spaces that we are in and learn more about Super Powers and the amazing conversations that we have a day today, and then go join the Super Power Universe folks, and come play with us. We’re super fun. We will be right back after the break.

To listen to the entire show click on the player above or go to the SuperPower Up! podcast on iTunes.