Hello everyone and welcome. You’re listening to Superpower Mommas and I’m your host, Laura Greco. Today we are exploring the topic of improved confidence and release mommy guilt. You know, when I was raising my four daughters, there was not a popular term called Mommy Guilt. And yet self-judgment, it was common then and is still common today. With all the access to Google and social media, there seems to be so much information out there and it can get confusing because it seems like there’s just as much for a situation as there is to contradict the information that we learn there. And moms today are looking to improve their parenting skills from what they grew up with. And the older generation kind of adds pressure when they’re not necessarily in agreement with what we’re experimenting with. So honestly, no matter what generation we are talking about, none of us sets out to mess up our kids, right?
And yet this is another pressure, isn’t it? So let me ask you, what do you really want for your kids? I’ve asked some parents and I get answers like this. And maybe you can identify, you just want them to grow up and live happy lives and to feel fulfilled, to be successful. You want them to fulfill their dreams and to be contributors in life, right? Something along that line I’m sure is your answer, too. So the question is, where do we begin and what’s the trustworthy information that can really assist us? Well, I’m sure you know this already, but your children, they look to you. And it is not what you say as much as what you are being. So like any skilled person in the field, you as a parent are developing your skill as a parent, right? You need tools and you need to learn how to skillfully use those tools to assist both yourself and your families and living the life that you all dream off. Improve Confidence
And this is exactly why I am so excited to introduce you to the guest today. Amber True blood is an author, retreat host and a mom of four sons. That’s interesting. She has devoured over 250 books on behavior management systems, parenting, meditation, and self-development. Her expertise, experience, and compassion and humor results in a unique combination of entertainment and effectiveness with her clients. Interestingly, Amber wrote Stretch Marks, her debut book while on Broadway tour with her husband and four sons traversing over 60 cities across the US and Canada. Amber is most passionate about providing mothers simple and realistic tools to guide them through a happier, calmer in parenting life. That sounds so great. Her unique approach includes helping clients clarify their values and priorities and then showing them how to use this knowledge to make better disciplined decisions. Remove that mommy guilt, reduce self-judgment and become a truly enlightened parent. I am so excited to welcome you on this show, Amber.
Thank you, Laura. I’m so happy to be here.
Yeah. So we have a question we always start with. So I’m going to go ahead and ask it.
Okay.
And it is what your momma superpower is?
My momma superpower, this is a good one, would probably be … Oh gosh, there’s ones I’m working on but they’re not quite superpowers yet. So I would say my momma superpower is learning at a speed that’s comfortable for me. So what I try to do is listen to others and remind people that everybody’s an individual and we all have different values, different lifestyles, different priorities. And so judging each other by somebody else’s lifestyle or priorities is never going to serve us, right?
Right.
So for me, it’s anybody that I speak to or interact with, I want them to know that what I’m choosing for my life is great for me. It may be a terrible idea for you. It might be a nightmare for you to take your whole family on a Broadway tour for six to eight months, you know? And even for me, if that would’ve happened four years ago, that would be my biggest nightmare. At that particular time in my life, it was amazing, it was incredible. But even for me, it wouldn’t have worked if the timing was not right. Improve Confidence
Right. Interesting.
And so I guess my superpower would be being honest with myself and encouraging others to be really honest with them. And I think that’s the key foundation to building that happiness and letting go of all that self-doubt.
I like how you narrowed it down to being honest, right? Because in the end, when we’re honest, we’re comfortable.
100%.
Right. May not always be the best. Wow. I don’t even want to say it that way. It may not be the most popular, but it is honest and that’s amazing, right?
Yeah. And it’s not easy. But I think once you allow yourself to be honest … Because we have all of these ideas like, “Oh, people will see the real me and then they won’t like me, or they’ll judge me or they’ll think negative thoughts about me.” And truly what happens is you become much more likable. Even if you have all of these quirks and weird things about your personality that might be off putting. Once you stop hiding them and allow them, then other people realize, “Oh, you’re not perfect, like I’m not perfect.” And you’re not pretending or trying to fool me. So then I can be myself and you can be yourself and we can all just accept that and move on instead of wasting a lot of time and energy trying to hide.
Yeah, let your light shine, right?
Even if it’s dusty and grimy or yellow, just let it shine.
Yeah. Let it shine because that’s how we also can refine ourselves and be refined by others. I always visualize us on a great big playground, right? And as mom’s, we’re experimenting; we didn’t have previous practice here.
Right.
Right. And as human beings, I mean, we’re all just learning through this. We have a lot of references to look at. But as I mentioned in the introduction, there’s a lot out there that’s confusing, too.
Exactly. And somehow when we first have children, we expect ourselves to know what we’re doing. Know how we’re going to function as parents and know how we’re going to discipline or how we’re going to deal with different challenges that come up. And what I’ve seen, I mean, you have four daughters, I have four sons. So it’s become so clear. I think that especially the more children you have, how incredibly different they all are and how different you are with them because different things are going to trigger you with different children. And it becomes so evident. Oh, I can’t use this same tactic with this kid. He’ll react completely differently. And that’s not what I’m going for. And so for me that’s become a big part of my parenting style, is to not worry about everything being fair. Or even working really the best way to be fair is to treat everybody as the individual they are.
Yes. And ancient writings say train up a child according to the way for them.
Yes.
That when they grow, they won’t turn aside. That means there’s individuality involved, right?
Yeah. And somehow that was my issue with a lot of parenting books that I read initially, seeking answers and solutions and options and tactics and techniques and each one of them to me seemed to say, “Okay, do it this way and do it that way.” And so I would try and it would work for one kid and not for another. And so the way I approach it in my book in Stretch Marks as you know, really identify yourself and your priorities first and foremost. And then look at your child, what’s their personality like? What motivates them? Really identify that and then you decide, “Oh, okay, now I know what tools to use with that kid and with whatever results I’m trying to get.” And I’m not saying like you can make these cookie cutter kids and say, “Oh, I want all my kids to be responsible and creative and persistent and tenacious.” And whatever it is, whatever kind of qualities you’re seeking in developing your kids.
But I do think that taking a moment to sit back and say, “What kind of humans am I looking to raise?” I think that’s key. And for me, I call it in my book kind of as a joke, but to make a point, I call it selfish parenting. I have to live with these people in my home for 18 years minimum. And then, I would like to take trips with them, go on vacations with them, hang out with their families for the next 60 years. So if I raise a bunch of grouchy, annoying, irritable, selfish, disrespectful humans, that’s going to be a huge bummer for me, okay?
Well I love that. That’s a different way of looking at it. And I love that you take that perspective, right?
But to me it makes sense. Yes, for the greater good it will help everybody else, too. But I want to be around creative, fun, funny, responsible, super kind, compassionate people. And so from the get go, when my boys were tiny, I had these big cartoon bubbles that we had posted up on their walls and it said those words. They said, compassionate, creative, kind and they drew little pictures on them and then we would talk about them. We would say, “What is compassion?” And wow when you did this today, that was so compassionate. Like wow, that was really kind, how neat. And then you call grandma and you say, “Oh my gosh, Cameron did something that was so compassionate today, he did this.” And you talk about it and you make a big deal. And they just look at that with stars in their eyes like, “Oh wow, I’m this compassionate, kind person.” How cool is that? Improve Confidence
All right, so here we are. You just provided a tool and a skill to use that tool, right?
I love that you did that. So listeners, be sure to listen to that again if you didn’t get it. Because that was a cool thing she shared.
And in the book, honestly that was another issue I had with a lot of parenting books. As I said, “Okay, you’ve told me all these stories and they were interesting and inspiring but like what do I get up tomorrow morning and do differently, that’s reasonable, that I’m actually going to be able to do?” Not like I’m going to have to go to Target and crochet something and spend four hours developing a mastermind mission meeting for my family. I don’t have time to do that. I don’t even remember if I brushed my teeth this morning, you know?Â
Exactly.
The tools in this book are supposed to give you an array of options of realistic things you can implement. So like one of the things we just started, we had always done at dinner time or any time or maybe sometimes at bedtimes we would do. We call them, Doing Grateful, which is essentially going around and everybody says one small thing and one big thing that they’re grateful for. And recently we added to that two more things. One is called Circle Compliments. And this is so helpful if there’s some sibling tension going on in the house. So everybody says something they appreciate or admire about the person on their left. And when kids hear compliments from their sibling, especially a sibling they think doesn’t like them, it’s huge. I see the tension relax out of them and it really bonds them. Improve Confidence
And so we do that as often as possible. And then the third thing we added to the round and they love doing this by the way, kids really, really love it, is what I’m working on. And so these are not a project that I’m working on, but what character building am I working on? And the parents share too, because obviously modeling is huge, right? So I’ll say like, “I appreciate that I’m somebody who can plan a bunch of things and get a lot of stuff done and make sure we have toilet paper and clean socks and the bills are paid and the vacation is planned and all of these things.” Improve Confidence
But because of that, I’m up in my head a lot. And so I forget to come down into my body and enjoy the present. So I’m working on being present and enjoying what’s happening right now at this moment. And it’s tricky for me and I tell them like, “This is something I struggle with and I’m working on it and this is why I’m working on it because it’s really important to me that I don’t miss out on all of this amazing stuff and all of these amazing people in my life.” But it’s tricky for me.
Yeah. I’m going to interrupt you right there. We’re going to come right back. We have to take a break.
Okay.
But before we go, please Amber, share where people can find you.
Yes, I’m at AmberTrueblood.com and that’s just like and my book is called Stretch Marks and that’s now available everywhere you can find books. Improve Confidence
I know I’m going to have a question about that when we come back from break. Okay, so you’ve been listening to Amber True blood and we are talking about improving confidence and releasing mommy guilt. Hang on, we’ll be right back.
Enjoy more of Amber’s wisdom on this episode of Disrupt Reality: Stretching Motherhood
To listen to the entire show click on the player above or go to the SuperPower Up! podcast on iTunes.
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