Hello and welcome to SuperPower Mommas. I am your host, Laura Greco, and I’m so excited to have you listening today. Our topic is how to get what you want by loving yourself first. I’m so excited to have Nat as my guest today. Nat, can you share your last name?
Sure, it’s Couropmitree.
There you go. I love meeting Nat. I actually participated in a-five day, I don’t know if it was really a challenge or not, but it was definitely a series of times where we did meditative work for ourselves. What I really loved about when I talked to Nate about things is how he really uses the source of love and respect and dignity within all of us to really help people to achieve what they want but from a premise of love. So I want to welcome you, Nate, and so welcome to the show.
Thank you, Laura. It’s a pleasure to be here.
Okay. It’s Nat. Oh, no. I did it again. Welcome. We’re going to start off with our traditional question which is what is your superpower?
My superpower is love, ever present love and essentially the way that it shows up when I meet people is it’s like a warm embrace. It’s like this supportive energy that gives people permission to relax, to let down their guard and be themselves.
That’s so important in any situation, isn’t it?
Yeah.
My life journey has been about learning how to love and how to love myself first.
So, when we think of those superpowers, how has that led you to the work that you do today?
Yeah, as with every superpower it’s not just meant for other people, it’s meant for ourselves. So my life journey has been about learning how to love and how to love myself first and not depend so much on circumstances or other people to be loved or valued or feel secure. So, it directly informs my work here. It’s my purpose in learning to live as love and I think that what happens to a lot of us, especially innovative entrepreneurs and even in our cultures, we learn from an early age that are love, value and security is an external. It is not within us and that we have to meet specific conditions in order to feel love, valued and secure in order for us to have what we want, and we spend a tremendous amount of our life and energy trying to meet those conditions so that we could feel those ways and then ultimately have those things that we desire.
Yeah, yeah. It truly does affect every part of our lives, right?
Yeah, absolutely. In relationships, if we believe that or learn to believe that we can’t be ourselves, that someone won’t love us for all of who we are, all aspects, the “good” and “bad”, then we might have a tendency to hide or suppress those parts of ourselves out of fear that we won’t be loved. It can affect our health, how much joy we allow in our lives if we’ve been taught that work comes first and play comes later, then we always try to meet that condition of always working first. But the thing is there’s always more work to do. So we never get in any play or joy. As entrepreneurs, if we believe that we need to be perfect or we need to give more or we need to prove or earn or not need anything in order to be loved and valued then that drives us, it’s this unconscious pattern that drives us to keep on trying to meet those conditions before we can get clients or be paid what we want or take time off or even have our own schedule. I mean, it affects every aspect of our lives.
Yeah. It’s a cultural thing, isn’t it, that we’ve been raised always looking outside for approval and everything that we do.
Yeah. Also, with a lot of the clients I work with who are intuitive, maybe they’re even empathic, there is a tendency to you tune into how other people are feeling naturally. You know what they need even before they need it and your peace is dependent on their peace because if you are feeling their stuff and it’s not pleasant, then there is a tendency to want to help them first before you take care of yourself. Because again, if you’re feeling all of it, it is tough to be at peace. So that becomes your role. You start to define your own value if I owe … I take care of other people, then I’m a value and it becomes this habit of always putting people first.
As our listeners are mamas, that are a strong tendency, is it not?
Yeah, absolutely.
That’s one of the things that I really value in what you’re doing because I believe that we can only help those when we are also … We can only help people from our full bucket. So if we’re not full within ourselves then there’s no way that we can share something else with others.
Yeah. Because the world as a whole, or at least what we’ve been taught is that our value, our worthiness, even how loved we are comes from what we do for other people and so we’re always in doing mode. Certainly as moms and as a mom entrepreneur is there is so much to do and keep up with and often and it can feel like there’s not enough time, but when we make time to nourish ourselves from within, to nurture ourselves, to fill up our bucket, to use your phrase, with this connection to source, our truest selves, to feel whole and complete and fulfilled from within, then we actually are much more present to our family, our clients. We’re less likely to be triggered by things that happen, right? Because it’s a different frequency when, we’re fulfilled and in a frequency of love, we’re less affected by people that are stressed out. So, we show up so much better when we take care of ourselves and tune into that frequency of love.
Beautiful. I love that. I love that so much. I know, a little earlier, where we’re just talking, you shared something that was key about that striving for perfection, doing things perfect. I know that’s a tendency that I had and coming from an abusive home, I grew up thinking, “Oh my gosh, if I just do it well enough, everything will be better than where I came from.” I did fall into a little bit that looking to do things absolutely perfect and when something came up that was pretty major with my children, I was actually blindsided by it because I was like, “I just tried to do everything perfect and this one thing showed up in my life and now I had to really re-evaluate where I was coming from.”
Yeah. The universe is great in those respect, isn’t it?
Yeah. Yes. But it really taught me humility, and the fact that there’s so much more to know and to really by taking care of myself and then my children as well, we were able to move through this beautifully. Honestly, the family bonded together, a lot of things came together. But, through that process, there was a lot of learning that took place about just letting go a little bit and learning to trust.
We’re conditioned to believe that perfection leads to peace.
Yeah. I think that seems to be the common theme here is trusting. Perfectionism is one of the … I created a framework called the conditional receivers and there are five of them and one of them is perfectionist and it’s the thing that we believe, that condition we believe we must meet in order to feel loved, valued and secure, right? As you shared Laura, growing up in an abusive family, it’s so easy to think … I’m going to take that back. It’s not so easy to think, but it’s we’re conditioned to believe that perfection leads to peace or it leads to … And maybe in a volatile abusive household, perfection means everything is in order and so there’s less likely to be something that’s going to trigger other people, right?
Right.
So we go around tiptoeing and trying to make everything perfect in hopes that we don’t set someone off and then be yelled at and then that feels like you’re not being loved. So, when we grow up with this deep sense of fear of not being able to be ourselves or not being able to relax, it’s so challenging to trust in that, trust in our source, our true self and let go because all we’ve known up until now is how to control our circumstances and control ourselves so that we get what we want.
Yeah, yeah. We’re going to continue this discussion, but first we have to take a short break. Nat, so could you please share with our listeners where they can find you?
Yeah, absolutely. They can go to my name, which isn’t always easy to spell, but it’s natcouropmitree.com Actually if you go to natcouropmitree.com/cr, they can download the PDF with the information about the conditional receivers.
Perfect. Perfect. We’ll talk more about that when we get back from our break. But you’ve been listening to Super Power Mamas with Nat Couropmitree, I think. We’ve been talking on the topic of how to get what you want by loving yourself first. We’ll be right back.
To listen to the entire show click on the player above or go to the SuperPower Up! podcast on iTunes.
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