Hi kids, this is your Super Power Kid, Neva Lee Recla, and today I’m super excited for this interview, because we have a very, very special guest. She is one of my true friends, Saida Désilets. And today we are going to be talking about sex talk with kids. That is right. So she is the author of … How do you pronounce it?
Emergence.
Emergence, thank you, of the Sensual Woman. So without further ado, will you help me welcome our amazing guest, Saida Désilets. Hi, Saida.
Yay. Hi, Neva. I’m so excited. I’ve been excited to come on your show forever, since I first met you.
I’ve been talking about this interview for weeks upon weeks now. So I’m super excited.
Yeah.
So I have some of my books here. Do you see this backwards on camera?
No, I see it clearly. Where Did I Come From?
Yep, so it’s Where Did I Come From with a little baby and then I also have It is Not the Stork.
Yeah, that’s a good one. Because it isn’t the stork.
It’s not, like so many kids … It’s actually funny what some of the kids think they are, “Like my mom found me in the hospital.” Or “My dad found me in this beer,” or like, “The stork brought me.”
Interesting.
… stuff. Yeah, so I’ve read these books 10 bazillion times. So what are your superpowers? I know that you have lots of …
Yeah, I think one of my superpowers is that I am like this … I have so much life. I’m like this life-bomb, I’m like this pulsing …
Yeah, whoa.
Have you felt that when you’re with me?
Saida Desilets and Neva Lee Recla
Yes.
Right, and I attribute that to being raised in a way that’s different. To being raised in a way that actually I was connected to my sexuality, so we can talk more about that if you like.
So actually, I love that you’re super calm, but then the stories that you share with me are like … You’re just an inspiration, that’s for sure. So do mind sharing the story of when you were hitchhiking or you know my favorite?.
Yes. So when we first met, Neva, I felt really it was important to share moments in my life when I was younger of how I had boundaries. Because we can’t talk about sexuality if we don’t also talk about boundaries. So this is a story around boundaries. And so the story of hitchhiking, I used to hitchhike a lot in a part of Canada where there was no public transportation unless you had enough money to have a car, how do you get around? So hitchhiking was normal, a lot of people did it. It wasn’t like a weird thing.
There was a stretch of road that I knew really well that had no houses, no people for a long time. I got picked up and as we were going down the stretch of road the man reached over and put his hand on my knee and asked me for a blowjob. Now, inside I was terrified. Like heart beating, racing like crazy, crazy. “Oh my god, what’s going to happen?” But what happened was amazing, because this voice came out of me and said, “Before I answer that question, I have a question. Who do you think you are? Do you have a mother? Do you have a sister? Do you have female cousins? Do you know what you’re about … Wait a second, how old do you think I am?” And the guy was like bombarded by all my questions. He said, “Well, I think you’re like 13.” I went berserker, because I was actually 22. I couldn’t believe this man was about to hurt a child, right? He thought I was a child.
He would probably be arrested for sexual abuse.
Yes. And so I went off, I went crazy and I’m like, “Do you know what you’re about to do? Do you really want to abuse a child?” And I went crazy, the guy was like crying and sobbing and anyways, the story ends up on a good note where he didn’t only just drive me to like where he was going to drive. He drove me all the way to my destination, which was an extra hour drive and was very kind and very apologetic. I’m sure, Neva, that in his life, if he was ever tempted again, that this moment would replay for him, yeah.
He was probably like, “I don’t want this to happen again.”
Right, that was scary.
This 22 year old girl who just made me cry, so I don’t want that to happen again.
Yeah.
Sorry, my dog is playing in my pillows.
That’s okay. That’d be a cute dog.
So the point of that story is two things. When I was brought up, I was not conditioned to ignore my own feelings of intuition and my own instincts. So what happened there is my instincts took over, because I was scared inside. But what came out was something important and I couldn’t have premeditated it, so it was instinctual. It saved me, it took care of me and I think that’s the important part of that story.
Yeah, I like that. Actually, want to hear a quick one of my stories?
Yes, I love your stories.
Thank you. So when I was littler, we went to this restaurant, outdoor, like somewhere you can bring your dogs. It was like a bar area where we always met up with friends. Yeah, I was playing with this little boy and I said, “You can’t hurt me, you can’t hurt me.” And guess what? He punched me. He just went … Really.
Geez.
So yeah, I learned my lesson very quickly.
So what did you learn?
I learned don’t tell people that they can’t hurt you …
Yes.
Or you will get punched in the face.
Right. That’s a good lesson.
I don’t want that to happen again.
No, you probably won’t ever say that again to someone, right?
No.
It’s amazing and you bring up this idea that what we say creates reality. We can see by both of our stories that that was true, right?
Yep.
On your hand, you said, “You can’t hurt me,” then you got the experience of, “Ow, that hurt.” Then on my hand, I was just like, “Are you crazy? Are you actually going to try to hurt a child, like you should be ashamed of yourself.”
Yeah, and he was.
And what happened … And he was and he took care of me, so it both instances using our voice is actually important. Using our voice in a way that leads us to what we want versus, obviously in your case, not what we want.
Yeah, I agree. I actually have another story, but would you like share one of my absolute favorites of your stories?
Yeah, so you know the one. So this is a story from when I was 12 years old in school. In those days Madonna was in, so I wore all kind of like the Madonna clothes, like lace tops and tight jeans.
Like crop tops and stuff like that?
Tonya Dawn Recla, Saida Desilets and Neva Lee Recla
Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you have permission just because I dress that way to grab my butt. It just doesn’t. So what had happened was this young man had come behind me when I was bent over in my locker and he grabbed my bum and kind of pushed on me. And, oh, that was a bad move. Because I straightened up, grabbed his shirt and went … Because my father had … And broke a nose, there was blood everywhere. But my father had taught me, “No one is allowed to you.” If they do you are allowed to kick, scream, scratch, hit, do whatever you need to do. So I did and there was blood everywhere and he was screaming. The kind of school I was in had no doors, so you can imagine all the kids from all the classrooms came streaming out into the hall with the screaming kid and blood and then me all angry.
My teacher came out and he looked at me, because he knew me. Then he looked at the boy, and he looked at me, and he looked at the boy, and he pointed to the boy and he said, “You. Principal’s office.” Then he looks at me and he leans in and quietly says, “Good job.” And so the moral of that story was not only that I protected myself, because self-defense is really important.
Yes, especially even if you’re going to get in trouble, you know you did it for the best.
Yes. You did it for the best and who knows what would have happened. It was kind of a weird situation and maybe … Because there were problems in that school with sexuality and the teenagers anyways. I was the younger spectrum of teens, but the older teens, there was stuff going on. So it was good for me to establish that I’m not one of the girls that you can mess with, right? And then the teacher understood what had happened, so then I had the support of a teacher going, “Yeah, I have to empower a girl to have boundaries and to take care of herself, despite the fact that, you know, this kid got a nosebleed. He actually misbehaved. He actually disrespected her, so he needs to go to the principal’s office.”
I thought that was really amazing, Neva, because I don’t see a lot of people supporting in that way. Often, we tend to be more angry and shame. So that was a really good experience for me as a young woman, to be empowered that way.
That’s awesome.
Yeah.
To listen to the entire show click on the player above or go to the SuperPower Up! podcast on iTunes.
Find out more about Saida Désilets at: saidadesilets.com
Podcast: Play in new window
