What is trauma and what does it have to do with sex and consciousness? In this episode, SLSP host Tatiana Berindei is joined by Sex Coach Stacy Michelle to discuss the ways our body registers trauma and the negative effect this can have on our relationship to sex. Trauma is more than just PTSD! In this conversation we explore the depths of how seemingly innocuous events from childhood and infancy can register in our brain as trauma. How does it impact our sex life and what can we do about it? Tune in to find out more!

Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Sex, Love, and Superpowers podcast show. I am your host, Tatiana Berindei, and today I am very excited for our guest, Stacy Michelle. We are going to be discussing trauma, sex, and consciousness. A lot of good stuff going to come out of this conversation. I can feel it already. Let me tell you a little bit about Stacy Michelle before we get started. She is a speaker and sex coach to high performing women and men around the world. She spent almost 20 years working for top tier investment banks and advertising C-suite executives on executing multimillion-dollar transactions. She had it all on the outside and was severely disconnected from her body and her orgasm on the inside. Her journey to overcome childhood sexual trauma, reclaim her orgasm and her connection to her body, led her to make this journey her work in the world.

It is now her mission to support women and men with having the riveting shutter inducing sex life they’ve always desired. I like that “shutter inducing” part. When she’s not helping people have epic sex, she enjoys hiking, doing yoga, and conscious dance in the beautiful city of Vancouver. She’s been featured in Mindbodygreen and the Boston Business Journal, and now on the Sex, Love, and SuperPowers podcast. Welcome to the show, Stacy Michelle.

My superpowers are finding joy in uncomfortable situations and holding a powerful space for transformation to occur.

Thanks, Tatiana. It’s so great to be here.

It’s wonderful to have you. Before we dive into this very important conversation, will you please tell our listeners what your superpowers are? 

Sure. So, my superpowers are finding joy in uncomfortable situations and holding a powerful space for transformation to occur.

 Yeah, that’s a big one. So, let’s talk about this finding joy in uncomfortable situations, because that right there, that’s a big, that’s huge.

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Yeah, it is huge, and especially for the clients that come to see me for one-on-one support in the realm of sexuality. The men and women that come to me are seeking deep sexual transformation. The man might want to last longer in the bedroom. The woman might have numbness in her pussy, and that is impacting her desire for sex, which is deeply impacting the quality of her relationship with her partner, who she loves dearly. And more often than not, Tatiana, if we are seeking, we’ll take the woman in this example, to go from numbness in pussy to great pleasure and aliveness and desire for sex and an epic sex life with our partners, more often than not, deep sexual healing needs to occur. And in order for deep sexual healing to occur, the technique that I use is called mind-body mapping.

And it’s extraordinary, and it’s grounded in neuroscience. And what it does is, is we go into the body and when we use this technique, the body will tell us what stories the body is carrying that are the root causes for the issue at hand, in this case, numbness in pussy. So, for example, if we use this woman, her body might tell us a story of when she was five, and her mom, who had a lot of Catholic conditioning growing up, God bless her, found her masturbating at the age of five and yelled at her and yelled at her. And so the body and the wisdom of the body tells us this story, and that story might evoke some sadness. It might evoke some anger at Mom for having this occur. And these can be darker, more uncomfortable emotions for us to feel, especially if we’re not used to feeling them.

We don't heal. We can't feel greater states of pleasure unless we're doing some level of healing work first.

We don’t heal. We can’t feel greater states of pleasure unless we’re doing some level of healing work first.

And so, it’s important to hold a light of joy for my clients in these circumstances, because it’s amazing. So, even though it might not feel so great to be in anger and to be in sadness, I validate my clients in these feelings and acknowledge them and I hold the light of joy in that, wow, you are in this moment, in the tears, and in the rage, you are reclaiming your divine birthright to feel pleasure and aliveness and orgasm in your body and to have a beautiful sex life with your partner. I feel that it’s so important because of a lot of times as well, Tatiana, our society makes healing mean that we need to suffer. Our society makes healing mean that we’re broken and that we need fixing. And it’s really important to hold this light of joy and help people remember that, God, healing is just part of this epic, profound journey. We don’t heal. We can’t feel greater states of pleasure unless we’re doing some level of healing work first.

Yeah, and..

And especially… Yeah, go ahead.

Well, I was just going to say, it’s a lot easier to hold that joy for someone in that process when you know what’s on the other side of it, right? For the person, they’re in the experience, it’s scary, it’s uncomfortable. It’s like, what are you talking about? This is awesome? This sucks for me.

I know, right?

I know what happens next. Just bear with me. I know what happens after this. I know this part sucks so bad, but afterward, guess what. You get the gold.

Totally. Yeah. It’s so true. And I think the other piece around this too is, and what adds to this stigma around sexual healing especially is because I feel like we don’t talk about it a lot, right? So if you go into Cosmo, what do we see? We see tips and tricks to cervical orgasms, which is great and has a place, don’t get me wrong, but I think because sexuality is such a taboo topic in our society, that this deep healing work isn’t often talked about. And so again, when we get into these spaces like to… Exactly what you’re saying. It can feel quite frightening and uncomfortable. So, yeah.

Well, yeah. And let’s be honest. That part’s not that fun.

Oh, yeah. No. For sure.

That’s not the juicy part, but you do have to walk through it to get to the juicy part.

Yes.

And it’s like you can’t get around it. There’s no getting past that one, folks. You have to walk through that part to get there. It’s just like giving birth. You have to push the head out, you have to go through the ring of fire to get the baby. I mean, I guess you could have a cesarian, but when it comes to the healing, there’s no way around it. Yeah. So, we do have to go to a quick break. Before we go to break, will you tell our listeners where they can go to find out more about you and the incredible work you’re doing?

Sure. So, I have a Facebook group called the Pleasure Pioneers for women who are looking to deepen their connection to their bodies and their sexuality in space with other women. So, I invite any woman listening who feels called to explore sexuality more deeply to join the group.

I love the name, The Pleasure Pioneers. All right. We are talking with Stacy Michelle about trauma, sex, and consciousness, and much more when we get back. So stay tuned. You don’t want to miss this one.

To listen to the entire show click on the player above or go to the SuperPower Up! podcast on iTunes.

Music Credit: All instruments played by Amanda Turk. Engineered and produced by Tatiana Berindei and Daniel Plane reelcello.com