Hello everyone, and welcome to the Sex, Love and SuperPowers podcast show. I am your host, Tatiana Berindei, and today I have with me a very special guest, Destin Gerek. Destin is an internationally-recognized leading voice in masculinity, sexuality, consciousness, and personal empowerment for business professionals. Described by the press as “Tantra meets Tony Robbins”, Destin is dedicated to redefining masculinity for the 21st century, knowing that leadership without comes from within, and Destin is our … except for wonderful Patrick Cullinane, who came as part of a couple … Destin is our first male guest, which makes him just so special, and I’m so excited to have him here to talk about the divine masculine role in the rise of consciousness. So welcome to the show, Destin.
Thank you. It’s really a pleasure to connect with you, as well as to be able to speak with the audience.
Absolutely. We’re really pleased to have you. Before we dive into this really incredible topic that I’m sure will just unlock worlds for us and all of our listeners, why don’t you go ahead and tell us what your superpowers are?
I have a very deep connection to my energetic body.
With the risk of sounding a little egotistical, I feel like I’ve got many. At their base, I have a very deep connection to my energetic body, and particularly for a lot of focus on connecting to sexual energy as an energy and how to work with that energy, how to play with that energy, to be a master of that energy rather than being a master of myself. Additionally, it’s the way in which I have an ability to move across a spectrum from masculine and feminine expression, depending on what this moment really calls for. And I’ve learned to play with that energy at such a fine-tuned level that … this is a little bit of a deep piece, so I’ll try to do it briefly, since we’re just introing … attraction is sparked through polarity, the way in which we think of light-dark, white-black, day-night.
These are opposite poles, the two sides of a magnet, the north, and the south, and how they attract. Likewise with our masculine and feminine, but I found through my own personal journey that the way in which this is spoken about between men and women is too simplified for the world we’re living in today. We all carry elements of masculine and feminine energies within us, and so I learned to be able to fine tune into finding your exact combination of those energies within you. And they change moment to moment, but really meeting the moment with what is the secret combination, so to speak, of how those energies are expressing in the person I’m engaging with, and responding with their reciprocal within myself to create that spark, that connection.
I love that. I love it so much. I think you’re so spot-on, in that the polarity is far too simplified in our current cultural conversation, and I just love how you said that. That was awesome.
I don’t think I’ve ever explained it quite that like that before, so thank you.
Well yeah, thank you. Tell us a little bit about how you use these superpowers in your work, and you know that you do this coaching work, but tell us a little bit more about what that looks like.
I work primarily with men, around what I call the evolved masculine. There are three major areas that I help men around. One is steep masculine empowerment. Who are you as a man? How do you connect to being a man? What does being a man mean to you? What are the aspects of masculinity that you’re still carrying from our culture that you know are not good, they’re just not serving yourself, the women that you engage with, or the world itself, and what are the aspects that you do want to embody and cultivate more of in your life?
The second is sexual self-mastery, learning to connect to your sexual energy as an energy and master that energy. This has fun results like learning to be fully at choice over when or even if you ejaculate, all the way to experiencing full-body orgasms or non-ejaculatory or multiple orgasms. The third area of understanding and gratifying women. As you very well know … I speak to you quite a bit … there’s a new breed of a woman on the rise today that is so radically different from her mother and grandmother, to owning her voice, owning her power, stepping into new levels of leadership, and even owning her desires and sexual desires like never before. Quite simply, most men have no idea what to do with this woman.
I’m sure it’s a little intimidating.
For many men, and it doesn’t need to be. It is an opportunity for us as men too, rather than respond with anger, resentment, or respond with a collapsing of self or a disempowerment, there is a third way and an opportunity to use it as this incredible mirror to inspire us to evolve ourselves, to grow and become more of what we’re capable of being, to use her rise and our desire to meet her to rise up ourselves.
I know that I don’t really know you, but I just want to say that I love you and thank you for doing this work, because this is so, so, so, so vitally important. So yeah, I just want to take this moment to thank you from the depths of my heart for doing this work. We need more of this. The men need this work and thank you. How do-
Why do people come to you? How do they find out about you? How do they know-
I need to respond to what you just said.
Okay, respond to it.
First of all, thank you. I receive that. I have heard some version of that from women so many times in my life, and men, if you’re listening to this, I want you to really hear and understand that. I hear that constantly from women because the demand is so much greater than the supply. Take this on, and you will be in demand. You will experience abundance, which comes back to my own journey that you and I were starting to talk about before we got onto the show. I had a seven-year stint in my life where I dubbed myself “The Erotic Rock Star”, and I started around 28, 29.
I was living in the San Francisco Bay Area, very steeped in Burning Man culture, which is an incredible arts and music festival and then some that takes place in Nevada every year, which places a strong emphasis on exploring character and costume and trying on new ways of being, and I used it as this opportunity to completely reinvent myself, away from the somewhat shy, certainly not … Well, I was very good with women, but more in regards to women who were very safe and comfortable with me. I was sometimes even referred to as “one of the girls”. You could get away with hanging out in the dressing room and what have you, but it wasn’t necessarily the one who’d be sparking their overwhelming attraction and passion.
And so after some pain, some heartbreaks and all that jazz that usually sparks transformations, I ended up reinventing myself, utilizing Burning Man subculture with this whole Erotic Rock Star route, and I think a lot of it was rooted in that, that I was tapping into things, tapping into an understanding of women and tapping into an understanding of energy that put me into such an incredibly small minority that I was suddenly experiencing such ridiculous abundance of female attention that was non-stop and overwhelming. My ego definitely ran away with it quite a bit. I mean, Erotic Rock Star.
Yeah, that’s quite a title.
Believe me, wherever your mind goes around those words, the truth far exceeded it. It is well documented. But that was the thing, is that I was walking this path that seemed to have me at a cutting edge, we’ll say because the demand was so much higher. And the ego part of me just wanted to be that man. You know, I was noticing a need in women, a deep yearning and craving that I figured out how to fulfill, and there was a part of me that was just like, “Well, I’ll just be that man for all the women of the world.”
Doesn’t fulfill one of the needs.
No. You know, the thing about walking a spiritual path is eventually it works and has its effect on me, and I came to really recognize that the biggest thing I can do to truly serve these women is to serve men, is to serve men in gaining these insights, to make these shifts in themselves, so that they know how to meet these women in this way that I learned first hand, women are so deeply yearning.
Let’s talk about this for a second, because I think you pointed to something that is a real cultural storyline that deserves dismantling, in my opinion, because you talked about being sort of like one of the girls, the guy who all the girls felt safe with, but you weren’t sexy. You were the friend, right? You weren’t the lover, you were the friend. And correct me if I’m wrong, but I think oftentimes there’s sort of this cultural storyline that in order to attract women, you have to be sort of this tough guy, you know, rock star but also an asshole.
The nice guy/bad boy trope.
Yeah, let’s talk about that.
I’m happy to dive into it.
Let’s do it.
It’s a section of my upcoming book.
Oh, perfect. Okay, great.
I’m experiencing these massive, heart-opening, soulgasm experiences.
So we have this trope, this idea that there’s the nice guy who’s the people pleaser, he’s sweet, women feel safe with, but he always gets passed over for the bad boy, the asshole who treats the women like crap, but for some reason she always seems to go for him. The evolved masculine to me very much represents the third way, and again, it’s very representative of my own path and journey. I wanted to … When I was formulating the Erotic Rock Star’s … end of ’06, beginning of ’07, and Neil Strauss’s “The Game” was released in 2005, I was deeply immersed in the West Coast Tantric world and culture, and the pickup industry started skyrocketing. I was really confused, like what the hell’s going on over there? Here I’m experiencing these massive, heart-opening, soulgasm experiences, and yet all these guys seem to be gravitating towards what feels so icky. It feels like it’s rooted in so much manipulative crap.
I was really affected by that and trying to understand what is the need that this is fulfilling? Why are people going here? And then recognizing, okay, well, men’s drive for women and sex doesn’t need to be something that we blame them or shame them for, but it can be a powerful portal for transformation if it’s used as such. So I wanted to prove to that world, myself ultimately, of course, that you could be a heart-centered, spiritually connected man and, I don’t know, exceed that quote-unquote “success” with women.
And an Erotic Rock Star.
Yeah, seeing over that. Now, don’t get me wrong. It was imperfect. It was an imperfect journey. I’m in a different place in my life now, you know. I’m married, I’m having a baby girl … well, my wife is … within the next couple weeks.
Well, congratulations.
Thank you so much. But I think that what I was trying to prove at that time, ultimately, is that there was another way, that you could combine the best of both these worlds. I was looking at what is it about each of those types that women are drawn to, and I’ve ultimately come up with what I call the magic formula. This is really …
Lay it on us.
This is the magic formula. The magic formula is rooted in making a woman feel both safe and turned on at the same time, and men have a tendency to focus in one direction or the other. They’re either really focused on that desire … I’m just trying to get in her panties, one way or another … this driving force in that direction, but isn’t safe. She doesn’t feel physically safe with him and/or she doesn’t feel emotionally safe with him. Or the guy who’s so afraid of being that guy that instead, he disconnects from his sexuality, he disconnects from his masculine core, he’s disconnected from his truth or his own desires. He’s always trying to make sure that the people around him feel comfortable.
So why can’t you do both? Can you simply hold her heart, which creates a dud, so be that man who creates emotional and physical safety, meaning that you respect her about boundaries? There’s no … I mean, when a woman leaves a bar with a man, I mean, many places other than that, but if she leaves a bar with a man, some part of her has to be assessing, is this man going to rape me, hurt me, kill me, or at a minimum, is he going to respect my boundaries or is he going to try to cross them?
So there’s the physical component of the safety that women really need to feel, and the world would be a much different place … and I’ve been talking about this for years, and over the past couple of months we’ve made huge headway here, but most men just do not understand how big of a deal safety is for women. Agree? Disagree?
Yeah, I agree. I mean, I’ve been out of that game for a really long time now. I’ve been with my husband for 11 years, so it’s been a while since I’ve been shopping around, but I think it-
And regardless, though …
But you know what, it’s funny, because I was thinking about the safety piece just this morning, and I was thinking about the importance of safety in relation to being able to be fully sexually expressed, because even from the female aspect, and thinking about being able to be a multi-orgasmic woman and what that looks like and how crucial safety is to that being able to take place. If you don’t safe with a man, you’re not going to open up into those other dimensions.
Exactly. So it also brings on the other side of it though, is that sparking of desire piece. This is the playing with polarity. This is, as a man, allowing those more primal energies to come out of you, to be able to lead, guide, go for what you want, while also not being rigid and needing it to be that way in order for you to feel like a man, because that tends to break things as well.
Oh, my God, I am loving this conversation. We have to go to a break quickly, but when we get back, we’re going to continue talking about the divine masculine role in the rise of consciousness. We have Destin Gerek here. Destin, before we go to break, will you just tell everybody where they can find out more about you?
Sure. DestinGerek.com. EvolvedMasculine.com will probably be easiest.
EvolvedMasculine.com is where you can find out more about Destin, and when we return, more on the divine masculine role in the rise of consciousness, and I’m sure Destin is going to give us a lot, wonderful tips for the men out there, so stay tuned.
To listen to the entire show click on the player above or go to the SuperPower Up! podcast on iTunes.
Music Credit: All instruments played by Amanda Turk. Engineered and produced by Tatiana Berindei and Daniel Plane reelcello.com
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