Jane Guyn has a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Human Studies of Sexuality in San Francisco, California. She’s the author of Amazon Best Seller Too Busy to Get Busy. In this episode of Sex, Love, and Super Powers, Dr. Guyn explores how to rebuild intimacy and trust in a relationship. Her abilities to help empower women from around the world to be seen, loved, and heard barely scratch the surface for what her advice can do for your relationship. Tune in!
Hello everyone and welcome to the Sex, Love and SuperPowers Show, I’m your host Tatiana Berindei and today, we are going to be discussing rebuilding intimacy and trust in a relationship with Jane Guyn. I’m really excited to have her on the show today. Jane has a doctorate in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco.
She’s also the author of the Amazon number one best-seller Too Busy To Get Busy. Women hire her so that they can have the delicious and juicy intimate relationship they’ve secretly desired all their lives and as someone who’s been married for over 30 years, Dr. Jane understands the challenges.
She also has six kids which I think in and of itself is a superpower. I just want to say welcome to the show Jane Guyn.
Thank you so much. Yeah, it’s just delightful to be here with you Tatiana, thanks for having me.
Yeah, so happy to have you. I’m going to go ahead and start off with our number one question here and I’m going to ask you Jane, what are your superpowers?
The ability to help others feel seen and loved and heard.
I have thought a lot about this question over the years because I think it’s so important when we really know what our superpowers are because when we do know that, we can show up authentically and a place of confidence and just ready to serve others. My superpowers are the ability to help others feel seen and loved and heard.
That is such a beautiful and really important superpower. I would love to hear more about how you apply that in your work.
Thanks. Yeah. Well, because they work in the area of intimacy with women and with their partners, this is just huge to be able to feel like you’re actually being seen, that the concerns that you have are being heard and that ultimately, you’re being loved.
That is what we all long for and I create that space for women and allow them to speak their truth because it’s scary out there when some of our stuff is really … It involves a lot of pain, it involves a lot of energies from our life, from the past experiences, previous lovers, what we’ve absorbed from the media Hollywood and perhaps religious institutions around us and sometimes we don’t feel like we can show up authentically. I help women speak their truth in a safe space.
That is so beautiful and so needed right now. That’s mostly when you work with individuals one on one, yeah?
Well, yeah. It is in a space individual work. In person sometimes, sometimes virtually, but I also do that for groups of women because I find that when we can be surrounded in a group of women with a group of women who are also moving through this stuff, it allows us to release the sense of being alone and a lot of our difficulties really are from that feeling that we’re the only … I’m the only one who’s experienced sexual assault or harassment.
I’m the only one who has had these difficult sexual experiences or been impacted negatively by the media or the way I see my body and the perspective to the fabulously beautiful and air-shopped, photoshopped women in the media. That’s actually a lie I tell myself because we are all living in this container.
Yeah, absolutely. I’m so glad that you mentioned about working with women in groups because I have also … I also worked with women in groups and I find it to be there’s something really magical that happens when women gather in sacred space together. It’s unlike anything else and there is a safety … There is a way that we can let our guard down and just be real with one another.
This conversation is so relevant right now with stuff that’s exploding on Facebook, I would love to hear what’s your take on everything that’s taking place right now and where we’re headed collectively in that way.
#MeToo
Yeah. The #MeToo experience of being on Facebook and watching friend after friend after friend, daughter after daughter, so many of us have been impacted by sexual harassment and assault and are in my community and I know that this is happening just each of us open up our Facebook page and see this feed of MeToo, MeToo, MeToo.
It’s both horrifying and also really liberating to realize that we are not alone. I see it as a really positive thing that we’re starting to bring forward this shared experience and create a safe space and courage. Some of us have had life-altering, incredibly dangerous, incredibly violent MeToo experiences and others of us have had MeToo experiences that are not in that same place of violence, but still impact us greatly.
I think that the container of space that we’re creating is really important to realize that we’re all here together and you’re not alone if you’ve had a MeToo experience. In fact, you’re probably less, you’re probably less like your peers if you haven’t had one. There’s so few people who share that like, “You know? Actually, I haven’t had that. I’m really grateful, but I hold space for you and for your healing.” That’s a really interesting realization.
Yeah, I think that’s one of the really powerful things that has come out of this whole experience. I was asking myself that is there a woman out there who’s going to raise their hand and say, “Actually, I haven’t had this experience.” I’m really curious how you find this theme of sexual harassment, maybe previous sexual abuse or violence or violation, how you see that entering into relationships or intimate partnerships and how that affects specifically a woman’s ability to be present during sexual interaction?
Yeah. When we work together, that’s where we start is look at your life. Look at the walk that you’ve had with sexuality in intimate physical relationships and in other sexually charged situations and how have those experiences informed you until this moment right now, how are they still with you in your relationship today because we bring all of this with us.
We armor ourselves based on what we’ve experienced and when we want to show up unarmored, present, connected, it’s tough when you got all these other people in the bed with you, you got your current partner, then the guy who said you had big thighs, every comment that you’ve somehow taken on to yourselves and we don’t have to absorb these things and perhaps they won’t even … Maybe we even heard them wrong. Maybe we heard them through our own ears of filter or inadequacy or filter of self-judgment.
We don’t even know what came into us really. We only know what we absorbed. All those things are there in the bed and how do we get naked? How do we remove all of this psychological, energetic and personal armor so that we can really connect with ourselves and our deepest authentic, erotic selves and a partner. How do we do that when we show up with all this stuff? How do we remove that? That’s the question that we work through at the beginning of a process when I’m working with a woman, that’s where we start.
That is the starting point and that is such … that’s the question right now I think and that we need to be asking ourselves and I’m really wanting to dive deeper into that with you if that’s okay after the break. We are going to take a quick break. I want to give you an opportunity for people to let, just for you to let people know how they can find out more about you and your work.
Oh, wonderful. You can find me at my website, it’s janeguyn.com. If you’re interested, I don’t know if this is a good time to give people the email.
Yup.
Excuse me, the text, the number to get a downloadable copy of my book. I’d love to give that to all of our listeners.
Yes, absolutely. Give it now, give it now.
Okay, please send your email and … Your name and your email to 541-444-0112 and I would be delighted and honored to send you a downloadable copy of my book which is called Too Busy To Get Busy. As we know Tatiana, it’s really not about busy, is it?
That’s right. That’s right. Yeah, we keep ourselves busy so we don’t have to feel what’s under there. We’ve been talking with Jane Guyn about rebuilding intimacy and trust in a relationship. We’re going to just take a quick break and when we get back, we’re going to dive deeper into how we really tap into that self that’s underneath all of the stuff we’ve absorbed. Stay tuned.
To listen to the entire show click on the player above or go to the SuperPower Up! podcast on iTunes.
Music Credit: All instruments played by Amanda Turk. Engineered and produced by Tatiana Berindei and Daniel Plane reelcello.com
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