In this episode, Executive Director and Founder of Super Power Experts, Tonya Dawn Recla, joins SLSP host Tatiana Berindei for a fascinating and multifaceted conversation about our consciousness and the powerful impact it has on our sex. If you’re on the path of consciousness evolution, if you have ever played out the victim-perpetrator roles in the sexual realm and if you want a glimpse of what is possible when we transcend those roles, then you will want to listen to this conversation.
Hello everyone, welcome to the Sex, Love, and SuperPowers podcast show. I am your hostess, Tatiana Berindei, and today, I am really, really glad to have with me, my dear friend, sister, cohort in business, the founder of Super Power Experts, Tonya Dawn Recla. We are going to be discussing a very juicy and interesting topic, how our consciousness impacts our sex life. If you wanna hear all about Tonya’s impressive whatnot and her superpowers, you can actually go to our first interview that we did together titled Sex, Love and Superpowers, and you can hear more about her journey there, but because she is a returning guest, I just wanna welcome you back to the show Tonya, and I love you, and thank you for being here with us today.
Oh you’re quite welcome, I’m super excited to be here and always happy to talk about sex, and of course, love, love, love any excuse I have to connect with you further.
Yeah, likewise. When I was thinking, you know, Tonya and I talk a lot, and we talk a lot of many different things, and she and I were talking the other day about this platform, about this show, and really like what it’s for and what it’s here to serve, and so I wanted to start off, because there was something that came out of your month when we were talking a few days ago that just really, it was like …
Should we warn people that a lot comes out of my mouth?
I know, a lot really good stuff comes out of your mouth, but it was this phrase that I feel like summed up so beautifully why this show exists, why I’m doing this work, and why it’s hard to sex. Even though the work is so much bigger than sex, and you said something about how if you have this vacuous whole in your soul, filling it with more sex is not going to help. And so I wanted to kind of use that as just a little bit of a guide for this conversation, and I wanted to hear you just talk a little bit more about that. I know that we’re not present in that conversation right now, but I know there’s a lot to say on that.
Beautiful. And that is a really brilliant thing that came out of my mouth, if I say so myself.
I agree, that’s why I wanna do this starting off point.
That is so funny, like as I’m in witness to like the very, very clear reality that I don’t know anything, and I’m pretty much just a puppet to some sort of messaging that happens. It’s like, okay. So I can really laugh about that, but it is brilliant in the sense that you know, so much of what drives most typical human behavior is some aspect, something, some influence that we’re not consciously aware of. Some cleverly disguised version of fear, right? And fear, we could use fear, we could use sin, we could use all kinds of words, but ultimately, it really is something’s not whole, right? Something’s broke, something’s not, just not, right? It’s like maybe if we broke it down to the basis of ways of describing, it’s like you got I am, and then you’ve got not. Like it’s just this thing that is there, and it’s not experienced because it is something, it’s experienced in the absence of something, and that’s what drives us, right? Whether it’s success, whether it’s the happy marriage, whether it’s the brilliant children, whether it’s the likes on Facebook, whether it’s the number of orgasms, or appreciation I can get for when somebody has an orgasm in my presence, whatever it is, it’s a very, very, very shallow substitute for what we’re truly seeking.
And I get it, like a lot of people don’t want to talk about this stuff because as the base of it, it’s the most simplistic, kind of description of how we’re designed and what we’re here to do, and why we chose to be here. And it’s also really, truly like boring, you know?
It’s not the sexy stuff.
It’s not the sexy stuff but I’m here to teach people the meaning of life and God gifted me with this modality, and I’m here to do it. I’m an intuitive, or I’m a psychic, or I’m the quarterback of the football team, or I’m the best mom ever, you know? I’ve got this soccer mom thing down. Whatever the title, the entrapment is that we want to put on ourselves, it’s all feeding this desire to just feel that kind of wholeness, that connectedness, and nothing satisfies that, right? I call it checking the boxes. I had to check so many boxes in my life before. I was not gonna be satisfied with my deep seated suspicion that perhaps what I was really seeking was something I didn’t want to give voice too. I couldn’t be satisfied in that until I had checked all those boxes.
Not everyone has to be as pig headed or stubborn as I am, but it was academics, it was careers, like I had careers in just about every field, like a lot of living in the very, very, very short amount of time, and none of it satisfied. And I remember the moment I was sitting, and I thought I was always looking for like the perfect job. And I remember the moment I was sitting, here I am a spy, working in this arena, and it’s like this job that’s like most people don’t even know exists, and I wasn’t satisfied, I wasn’t happy, I didn’t feel whole and complete, and so I finally had a check, like get the perfect job off my list, and go I guess it’s not that, right? And then of course, I got married, and I had a kid. That’s what we’re doing. Its we’re looking for that fulfillment when it’s in us, and unfortunately when we use sex, it can easily be confused for that feeling of wholeness and completeness because of the orgasm, because of how our energy entwines, because of what happens internally for us, and deep connection with others, it feels really close to what it is that we’re looking for.
Right, it can, but even that, I think this is something I’ve talked about a lot before and that I discuss with clients, there’s this… It’s like there’s supposed to be an endpoint. I feel like a lot of what you’re talking about. It’s like “Oh yeah, there’s this goal, and when I get there, then I will be happy.” Right? But even that you can apply it to sex, right? It’s like the goal is orgasm, and when I get to orgasm, then I will be happy, but if you’re not exploring along the way there, you get there and it’s like oh well, okay even that wasn’t… then it’s over. And then what?
Yeah, the conversation really goes both directions, if you think about it. So the idea that we’re seeking wholeness and consciousness and everything else and so we use sex as a pale substitute for that, but vice versa is true as well, which is while we’re engaging in sex without feeling that wholeness or at least being in identity with it and having felt it and kind of wanting to realize that or moving toward it, then sex is a pale substitute for sex in these higher frequencies. And so the conversation really does travel both directions, they feed on each other in both frequencies right? In the lower frequency of just completely dissatisfying and in the highest frequency, which is like satisfaction beyond what most people can comprehend.
Right, right. Beyond what you can really, I think even put into words because there is a connection. That sex can absolutely be a vehicle for, and which is what I encourage it being a vehicle for, but you’re right, it’s like you can’t put the cart before the horse, you know?
Well I think some people’s practice is to put the cart before the horse, mine sure was. So it was like, again, I’m not gonna take anybody’s word about it, truthfully. I’m just not. And I suffered some things along the way probably engaged in some things that I really didn’t have to, like I probably could have saved myself a lot of heartache if I wasn’t so stubborn, but for me it’s like I want the empirical evidence, like I wanna know, so I can say definitively like no rock has been left unturned.
So my practice is kind of putting the cart before the horse. I don’t necessarily advocate for that. I think it’s kind of stubborn and ill advised, but you can do it that way, and for some of us, like we’re just gonna go through it in that process, but not discrediting what you just said in the sense that, but why? Like it’s kind of illogical. You don’t have to do that when in essence what it is that we are seeking, and I like that you name the fact that we do hold this belief that there’s an endpoint. Whether it be death or transcendence or just the oh you’ve arrived, like you have 1.5 kids or whatever the number is now, and whatever the check boxes are for you. That there’s that component there too. Maybe it said some people are more drawn to being like in the practice of kind of developing their philosophies versus others who really do operate a little bit more purely in faith, and I’m like ‘No, I’m pretty clear on how this feels, and that that’s not what I’m looking for.”
And people never cease to amaze me with how they find creative ways to go through this journey that’s not really a journey at all. We’re very funny.
We are. I agree. So we do have to go to a quick break, to our listeners if you wanna find out about more of Tonya, I’m just gonna tell them for you. You can go to superpowerexperts.com and everything Tonya is there. You can find her on social media, Tonya Dawn Recla. She’s awesome if you have not yet hopped into the Super Powers Are Real, our real group on Facebook, she and I do a Facebook live there every Wednesday, so you can get more, and more, and more Tonya there.
We’re gonna go to a quick break, we’re talking with Tonya Dawn Recla about how our consciousness impacts our sex life. So stay tuned.