Hello everyone. Welcome to the Sex, Love, and SuperPowers podcast show. I am your host, Tatiana Berindei, and today I have with me a wonderful woman, Kongit Farrell. She’s a new mom. She is an incredible therapist. She’s a licensed massage and family therapist, sex therapist, dating specialist for women and founder of the Inspired Journey Counselling Center in Downtown L.A. She’s consulted at all levels of government including Presidential and served as a commissioner to the department of public social services for the county of Los Angeles. Kongit is a panel mental health provider in the state of California. She’s dedicated to helping her clients get the healthy relationships, lasting love, and great sex that they deserve. And today, she is here to discuss with me getting the love you deserve as a mom.
Which is a hugely important topic and I’m very, very excited to dive into it with her today. So welcome to the show, Kongit. Thank you so much for being here with us.
Thanks so much for having me and again, yeah, I agree for bringing up this really important relevant topic that I don’t know if we talk about enough.
Yeah, I think we don’t. And I’m all about having the conversations that we don’t have enough on this show. So I’m really really happy that you’re willing to dive in with me there today. Because I think we need it. We need it. Before we go there, your bio is definitely very impressive. For another time curious about your Presidential consulting. But before we dive into talking about getting the love you deserve as a mom, will you tell our listeners what your superpowers are?
My superpower is resilience.
Yes, so I think I’d break it up into two. But I guess they dance with each other. So I’d say personally my superpower is resilience. I think I’ve come through a lot of things that I didn’t think I’d be able to come through in my life. A lot of interesting situations that have certainly shaped me in ways that I maybe wouldn’t have imagined. And professionally I think my superpower is acceptance. I’m just pretty much like you come as you are. And I’m really cool with that. I’m very, very, very cool with people just coming as they are and working with them to get where they’d like to go.
Beautiful. Beautiful. I can totally feel that you create a really safe space.
Yes.
I get that sense from you very strongly. And I love what you said about resilience. I think that really is the hallmark of someone who does this kind of work and who does it well is we have to have been able to have walked through some pretty tough stuff and gotten out the other side of it. In order to be able to speak to people about how to do that.
Yeah, and I think it also helps with removing judgment. Because if you’re a person who’s gone through certain things in life and you’ve experienced situations or labels. And you’ve come out on the other side, you’ll understand not every person that has been given this label is necessarily a bad person or whatever it may be. And so then that allows you when you meet people who are labeled to say okay now what’s behind this. Who are you beyond this label?
Yeah. Totally. Which is the work. So thank you for doing it at the level that you’re doing it and for doing it so beautifully.
Thank you.
Yeah. So let’s talk just for a couple minutes about this whole mom thing because I mean you’ve been in the world of relationship expert. You’ve been working with people on their sexuality. You’ve been working with people in their intimate partnerships. And yet there’s this whole other level of intimate partnership that occurs when we become a mom. And there’s like a whole other dynamic that we don’t necessarily discuss enough in our culture about how that affects our relationship. How that affects our relationship to ourselves, our relationship with our partner. One of the pieces that you really focus on is getting the love that you deserve. And yet, how does that translate over as a mom? Because when you think about love, our culture talks about love as like we think about sexual love or intimate partnership. But there’s something really deep there as a mom. There’s a level of love that we need in order to be able to be a mom to be able to be a wife, to be able to be all those things.
What are you finding in your journey as primary, most important? If you had a number one piece to give people what would you say that that is?
When you become a mom, everything is redefined.
That’s a, wow, what a great question. And it’s a very layered question and I would just talk about it personally and professionally. So I believe that I chose my mom and it wasn’t a harmonious relationship. It’s a relationship that’s taken a lot of work and it’s a serious, it’s a challenging relationship. And one of the fruits of that was that I made a conscious choice. I said okay, if I’m going to step into the role of mom, I’m going to need to have these things in place. I’m going to need to have a healthy harmonious relationship with a quality partner who sees and knows and loves me and thinks I’m amazing. I had such clear affirmation about the things that I would need to support me on a journey of motherhood because of my own experience that I felt like I was pretty well prepared for the transition.
And even with that high level of mindful preparation, I was still not completely prepared for the transition. And so I think speaking to the idea of the love that you deserve. When you become a mom, everything is redefined. Every single thing. Your relationship to yourself, your relationship to your partner, your relationship to your child is formed. And within that is your relationship to the concept of love and sex. It changes. Your needs change. And it’s a very personal change because no one can define for you what your love needs to be. Or what your sex needs will be. It’s unique to the individual.
And they change too throughout the postpartum period. I have a friend who works with women postpartum and she considers postpartum any time after you’ve had a baby, including 50 years later. So it’s like.
I get it.
So this is there’s so much here to dive into and I can’t wait to do so with you. We do have to go to a quick break. And before we do so will you just tell our listeners where they can go to find out more about you?
Sure, just go to my website. It’s kongitfarrell.com.Â
Awesome. So we’re talking with Kongit Farrell about getting the love you deserve as a mom and there are so much that we’re going to dive into when we get back so stay tuned.
To listen to the entire show click on the player above or go to the SuperPower Up! podcast on iTunes.
Music Credit: All instruments played by Amanda Turk. Engineered and produced by Tatiana Berindei and Daniel Plane reelcello.com
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