Eva ClayWomen looking for dating tips, look no further! In this juicy episode of Sex, Love and SuperPowers, acclaimed sexologist Eva Clay joins host Tatiana Berindei to discuss the erotic midlife and how women over 40 can revolutionize their experience of dating in this day and age. A brilliant teacher and coach with a background in psychology and neuroscience, Eva Clay returns to the show to share her expertise in navigating the realms of pleasure and passion in the digital age. How do I do this online dating thing? What do I do if I get ghosted? How do I get him to chase me? All these questions and more will be explored in this not-to-be-missed conversation!

Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Sex, Love and SuperPowers podcast show. I’m your host, Tatiana Berindei, and I am so excited to have with me, again, Miss Eva Clay. If you have not had a chance to listen to the first interview that she and I did together about embodying ecstasy, I high recommend that you go and check that one out. Eva Clay is probably one of the most embodied goddess that I have ever met and had the pleasure to interact with. She is a wealth of information. Is not only exquisitely owning herself and her sex and her gloriousness, but she’s also fiercely intelligent and just a focus to be reckoned with.

So I’m so excited to have you back on the show, Miss Eva Clay.

Thank you. What a wonderful thing to say.

Yeah. And today we’re going to be discussing dating tips for woman over 40, which I am really excited about because this is not my forte. I have been married for almost 10 years. And so, to be able to bring someone on who has a lot of wisdom in this arena is just really exciting for me.

Wonderful. I’m so excited about this topic.

Yes, I’m sure for our listeners too. I know we all have many superpowers, and I’m sure that the answer to this question is always a little bit different, so I am gonna ask you again if you wanna just divulge your superpowers for our audience.

Yes. Well, do you mean the one on the books or the one off the books?

Off the books, always.

Do you want the rated G or the rated PG 13?

The academic in me, I came from years after years of academia and was a professor in neuroscience. The academic in me wants to say I really have a superpower in marrying the profound with the playful, the intellect with the embodied, the right brain with the left brain. But if you distill all of that down to the most common feedback I get from women is that I give good permission. I really believe that is my superpower, is just to give women all of their right and their sovereignty and their delight in being exactly who and what they are, when and where and how they like it.

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That’s so powerful too. It seems like such a small thing. And really, it’s not even something that you can really give to somebody, but we have this funny thing our culture where we need someone to say it’s okay in order for it be like, “Okay, this is okay. I can do it.”

Yeah. What I have come to understand is that it’s connected to our belonging. So giving permission is no small thing at all. It’s a very big thing, in that you’re letting someone know that they can be exactly who they are and do whatever they want, and they will still be loved.

Yeah.

It’s core.

Yeah, totally core. Thank you for doing that and being that for so many people.

All right. So let’s dive into this topic, because I know you have been big on exploring dating for women over 40.  

Wonderful, wonderful. So right off the back, so I’m just gonna out a little mini conversation that Tatiana and I had before we started recording. And she brought to life a term that I wanna weave in through this conversation, which is the erotic midlife. And when we talk about dating over 40, I wanna actually change out that term with the erotic midlife.

Yeah, and thank you for that. I will credit you eternally for coining that term. It was just a divine synergy that happened. I swear, that’s gonna be the title of my book. It’s the title I’ve been looking for. Because what I’m finding is that, as I progress in my age, I’m 48 and I am technically single, although I am in partnership, I’m not married, is that more and more women are finding themselves single after 40 because they had gone through their divorce, they’ve had a couple of kids, maybe they’ve chosen not to marry, or not to partner or to become a mother, and the landscape is entirely different in this phase of life than it was when they were 30, or 20, etc, and there’s a very specific subset of factors that come along in relating at this time of time and it may or may not look like dating.

To me, it means courtship, that you're looking for that engagement to lead to a specific goal where the erotic opens up the field of possibility

To me, it means courtship, that you’re looking for that engagement to lead to a specific goal where the erotic opens up the field of possibility.

So that’s why I wanna call it the erotic midlife, because I can’t tell you how many women come to me who are 50, or 55 and they say, “I don’t wanna date. I don’t want another husband. I don’t want a partner. I wanna have multiple lovers. I spent my entire life being monogamous to one man, and now I’m miserable, and teach me how to be a slut.” So dating has its own connotation. To me, it means courtship, that you’re looking for that engagement to lead to a specific goal where the erotic opens up the field of possibility. It invites a woman to taste, and savor, and relish and express in all the textures of her own erotism. That’s where I wanna talk from.

Love it. And you have a program coming up, right, called Paths of Pleasure?

I do, yes, The Path to Pleasure.

So tell us a little bit more about that and what’s happening there, and why we would want to explore it. I mean, you’ve already, I feel like, given a pretty clear picture of who that is for and why and I’m really curious about how you delineate dating. Because I feel like different people have different definitions for what that means, right?

Yes.

And it seems like the way that you’re talking about it is really dating as a pathway towards relationship, versus just having casual sex or give me a little more here.

Okay. I’ll go in this order. I’m going to redefine dating, and then I’m gonna talk about Path to Pleasure. How is that?

Okay. Perfect. And we do have to go, actually. So let’s pause you right there because we have to go to a quick break, and when we get back we can redefine dating and talk more about Path to Pleasure. But before we go to the break, will you just tell people where they can go to find out about this program, about you?

Absolutely. Step into my temple, lovely, at EvaClay.com, and you’ll find all the things there.

Awesome. So we’re talking with Eva Clay about dating tips for women over 40. Stay tuned, because we’re gonna dive in. You don’t wanna miss it.

To listen to the entire show click on the player above or go to the SuperPower Up! podcast on iTunes.

Music Credit: All instruments played by Amanda Turk. Engineered and produced by Tatiana Berindei and Daniel Plane reelcello.com