Raising Independent Kids
Why should the world start raising independent kids? In this episode of the Reclamation, the Reclas: Justin, Tonya, and Neva sit together to discuss why parents should put an end to being too protective of their children. Humans can independently survive on their own. Thus, Tonya and Justin believe that they are already reaping the benefits of letting Neva be exposed to independence-forging opportunities. According to them, it needs a lot of letting go and more guidance from parents to create critical thinkers. But before parents can do the actual parenting, they need first to practice independence by growing up on their own. Tune in and let this episode shift your mindset on the importance of raising independent kids.Â
Neva Lee Recla:
Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Reclamation. If you don’t know already, I’m Neva Lee Recla and I’m here with my mom. Tonya Dawn Recla.
And my dad. Justin Recla. And today we’re going to be having a really cool conversation that I think is kind of scary for some people. If you haven’t already read the title of the show, we’re talking about raising independent kids. Parents, avert your eyes because this is a scary conversation for a lot of parents and I’ve seen total, I guess, helicopter parents and stuff. They’re like, “No, I must protect my child” but I think in the long run we actually see that does more harm than good. And we’re going to talk about the pros and cons of both today, folks. So strap in. You’re about to get put on a scary roller coaster, but we’re going to do it together and see that it’s actually not that scary. And parents, I’m going to let you in on a quick little secret. If you raise your kid to be independent, then you’re free. When it comes to parenting, it’s a win, win. Really.
Tonya Dawn Recla:
People think we were so self-sacrificial, look at what you’ve done. It’s like, oh no, it’s completely self-serving.Â
Neva Lee Recla:
No, it’s totally selfish. On that note, Mom, I’m going to toss it over to you. Why do you think raising independent kids is so beneficial? But talk from, get a little selfish here. Talk to parents as to why it’s a good thing to do.
Tonya Dawn Recla:
Sell them on this idea?
Neva Lee Recla:
Yes.
Tonya Dawn Recla:
Okay. I can do this. Let me tell you something. Justin and I clearly are reaping our ROI at this point in time because, and it, a lot of it, we get zero credit for because it just was a natural part of the process of the very clear point in time when he and I looked at each other and just kind of wait, what are we doing? And I remember for me, I was in the middle of working with a client on a very specific matter that we were moving through the subconscious from childhood. And I watched myself say something to our daughter that was the exact program that I was assisting this client in reprogramming in herself. And it hit me as the words kind of bounced back off of the projection into my face.
And I was like, whoa, what am I doing? Seems like we could probably go about this differently. And so, Justin and I talked about it like we do. And it’s like, I think maybe we can just mentor her. Can’t we just sort of like start where we want to end up and we’re good at reverse engineering. It made sense to us. And so it’s like, wait, what, what is the goal here? What is our job? What are we supposed to be doing? And when we got real about that, there were a couple of real key elements. One was to make a good adult, like a good human, like just a good human being.Â
Justin Recla:
A human being can function independently on their own in the world without needing us to do so.
Tonya Dawn Recla:
Yeah. And maybe not an asshole. That would be cool, you know? And then maybe a kid that is empathetic enough that it can take care of us and it. Well, you like fluidity.
Justin Recla:
She doesn’t know this, but she’s our retirement plan.
Tonya Dawn Recla:
Yeah.
Neva Lee Recla:
We don’t talk about that.
Tonya Dawn Recla:
Anyway, I’m getting off track and that relationship with the divine, obviously we really viewed ourselves as being this stand-in, this proxy, until she could develop that direct knowledge. I mean, she had direct knowledge. It was honing the human to be able to be independent in the relationship with the divine that she already had was really the approach. And so it was a complicated sort of set of variables that we were playing with, but what felt really good was saying, okay, if the goal is for her to be independent, then all along the way, we should be allowing her opportunities to forge her independence.
Justin Recla:
Independence.
Tonya Dawn Recla:
Right. And I think part of the reason what we butted up against and I think a lot of parents do as well, is this idea that secretly parents know that we don’t know what the heck we’re doing. And so if you start raising free-thinking children and critical thinkers, they’re going to find that out at faster-
Justin Recla:
They catch on really quickly. Wow, Mom and Dad are just really making this shit up as they go along.
Tonya Dawn Recla:
And we just admitted it. We gave our seven-year-old a microphone and a podcast. And so when you do that, you have to really be willing to step into a place of vulnerability with your child and say, Hey, look, I know a lot of things. I’ve been through a lot of things. I can guide you in a lot of spaces. And yet this is your journey and how do I help you navigate that journey?
Neva Lee Recla:
Yeah, absolutely. And I think it takes a lot of letting go, especially if that’s not how you were raised as a child. We need to go into a quick break. But when we come back, we’re going to talk more and then elaborate on how it can be a little bit scary. And I can probably understand why parents wouldn’t want to let go and dive more into this conversation.
But folks, if you want to hear more about how to raise your kid to be a good human being, how to train your own human being and yourself, then come join our community. We have an amazing community over here that will support you because whilst you’re raising your independent kids and learning how to be independent, you don’t have to be alone. I’m proud of that. I’m proud of that wording.
Tonya Dawn Recla:
Drop the mic.
Neva Lee Recla:
So can’t do that or else you can’t hear me. Come join us, folks. And this is a good conversation to have. And I think there are a few parents that might need to hear it. So we’ll be right back after the break.
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