The Personal Power of No

(Excerpted from W.A.R. – Watch, Assess, React: The Ultimate Guide to Personal POWER and Safety)

I was shocked when I finally grasped the personal POWER of saying no. We hear it all the time, but it seems that the full impact of this tiny little word has been lost on some of us.

By simply going though the motions of saying no, with conviction, you send a message to your brain and you body that the situation you’re in isn’t conducive to your well-being and it sets wheels in motion to counter it.

Essentially, saying no gives your body and brain permission to fight back. Just the act of saying the word centers your mind and calls upon your resolve.

The will to say no in a dangerous situation starts with saying no to any situation that doesn’t promote your greatness. Every day we’re faced with decisions about what to do, what to say, and how to act. And every day we have the choice to make decisions that progress our development or thwart it.

When we choose to limit our growth by conforming to someone else’s will or someone else’s version of what’s right for us, we tell ourselves we don’t matter and we’re somehow “less than” someone else. Some people buy into the concept that complete sacrifice for the good of others is saintly.

Without getting into a debate about religion and God’s will, from a completely secular perspective, how helpful can you be to someone else if you aren’t addressing your own basic needs?

Maslow’s pyramid of needs tells us that security of body and health is second only to our need for food, water, and excretion. Love with friends and family esteem, and self-actualization are dependent on a solidly built foundation, including the safety of self.

You can’t benefit others without first benefitting yourself. We’ve all heard the old adage of you can’t give away what you don’t have, right? Consider this before you agree to do something for someone else before you address your own needs.

Women especially seem to have trouble with this concept. For some reason, certain women consider themselves the burden bearers and can’t seem to say no even at the risk of personal detriment.

Another argument I’ve heard is that putting your needs before another’s makes you selfish. It’s hard to believe, but the effect is actually the opposite.

By addressing your needs and developing a strong sense of self you have the ability to affect your world in wonderful and positive ways.

People who are whole, complete in their mind, body, and spirit, have the inner strength to offer the world everything they have to give and their supplies continually replenish themselves.

People who ignore their needs have very little to offer and have no foundation to rebuild themselves when they’ve spent all they have.

Ah, but what about the children? Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t have children but I understand that parenting is a complex and complicated process, regardless of gender. But no matter how you feel about your children, sacrificing everything for them does nothing to help them.

If you’re not healthy and whole, any example you set for them is laden with inherent messages of weakness and loss of self. The ideal situation is to be whole and resolved in your self-preservation before you have children, but if not, realize that any move you can make in this direction ultimately serves your children better in the long run.

Surely we want more for our younger generation than to offer it models of helplessness and emptiness.

(Note: This section continued in W.A.R. – Watch, Assess, React: The Ultimate Guide to Personal POWER and Safety)

About the Author: From the corporate world to the spy world and from rape victim to motherhood, Tonya Dawn Recla embodies the definition of personal power. She holds a B.A. in intercultural communication and M.A. in education/critical theory from Arizona State University. Her current projects include finishing her second book, The Dragon Queen, and providing intuitive consulting to her decision-making, change-agent clients (TonyaDawn.com). She and her husband currently travel the world with their 3 year-old daughter.