I Solemnly Swear…
You see, I didn’t have a real illustrious Army career. The down and dirty is I completed my master’s degree in 2001, a few months before 9/11. That shattering event, and my indecision regarding my next career, led me to the Army recruiter’s door. So at 27 years old with a master’s degree I enlisted in the Army (I chose to enlist rather than pursue a commission as an officer because there was only one job I wanted – counterintelligence. I could get the guaranteed job or the commission, not both…I chose E4). One year and four months later the Army medically discharged me.This was as devastating event for me. I fought and fought and fought the discharge, but my body didn’t get the message my mind sent…repeatedly. After numerous trips to the emergency room in good ol’ Sierra Vista, AZ, a medical TDY trip to El Paso, TX and then one to the Air Force pilot docs in San Antonio. I finally gave in and signed the paperwork they kept shoving in front of me. I bawled the day I checked a box that said I no longer wanted to wear an Army uniform (I kid you not, that’s what it said). The nurse beside me kept patting me on the back and saying it wasn’t the end of the world. But it felt like it.
Of course, had I known then what I realized later, I probably wouldn’t have fought so hard. The really inconvenient infection in my head that permanently damaged my inner ears turned out to be the best thing that could’ve happened for my career. As I stepped out of my military uniform, I stepped right into an amazing opportunity with the Army’s elite counterintelligence unit as a civilian.
But that’s another story. The point is I always feel a little awkward claiming my Veteran status. Yes, I am a card-carrying member of the VA healthcare system (God love it). But as I walked into Applebee’s with my daughter, amidst the 70 and 80 year-old men proudly donning their DAV and VFW paraphernalia. I hesitated to say “yes” when asked if we had any veterans in our party.
But, as one of my dear friends vehemently reminds me, I AM a veteran. I volunteered for a position when few did. I went through the gauntlet at MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station), to include a geriatric retired MD with Coke-bottle glasses, shoving his head between my legs to “verify ALL of my parts were female” (again, no joke). And I withstood 9 weeks of torment by my very well-meaning drill sergeants intent on breaking me down and rebuilding me…Army Strong. And, most importantly, I stood, raised my right hand, and took my oath:
I, Tonya, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend
the Constitution of the United States
against all enemies, foreign and domestic;
that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same;
and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States
and the orders of the officers appointed over me,
according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice.
So help me God.
Then I had my dreams of an Army career and my physical health ripped apart because my body hid a sinus infection for too long and it destroyed too much to repair.
Of course, that’s the very physical-realm explanation of what happened. When it comes down to it, the Army served its purpose. I received the training I needed, the TOP SECRET clearance required and the experience necessary to move on to my next spiritual growth opportunity. In retrospect I can even view it as the building block necessary to ultimately lead me to being an instructor at the Army Counterintelligence Special Agent Course, which led me to my husband, who gave me my daughter. Possibly even more importantly, it provided the experience, the courage, the self-awareness, and the credentials to grow through my own evolution and integration, it all makes sense…of course.
So, I do think it’s important to allow ourselves to be recognized for courageous choices we make. I think it’s important to walk with my daughter into Applebee’s and say proudly, “Yes, I am a Veteran.” And I think it’s important to have her walk up to the 70 and 80 year-old men who may very well have seen hell and thank them for their service. One day she’ll understand the magnitude of those decisions and remember the momentary glow in their eyes when they thought their service was not in vain…that it will be remembered and appreciated.
But I also think it’s important to recognize that we all, each of us, every day, make choices to either walk through our spiritual obstacles or avoid them. And some of those are our own versions of hell. And whether or not your spiritual obstacles lead you to military or charitable service, ultimately, the most powerful, selfless service any of us can do for the collective whole is to make the choice to keep walking.
And, let’s face it, our world has some pretty serious challenges right now. Old solutions and business-as-usual don’t work anymore. Many of us are being called to help people and systems evolve. We’re tapping into hidden, silenced places deep within us necessary for our survival. And we’re finding new and different ways of dedicating ourselves to the protection of all we hold dear.
So for now I stand and humbly accept the gratitude. But I accept it less for my choice to take the military oath and more for accepting the challenge of spiritual growth. This growth led me to and through a necessary step in my evolution – a step that played a part in me taking a different oath:
I, Tonya, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend
the greater good and higher consciousness of all living things.
against all negative energy, external and internal;
that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same;
and that I will honor the guidance of my higher self and
act with love…always.
So help me God.
And I stand and salute all of you who have chosen similarly to walk through the world holding yourself to a higher standard, whatever that standard means to you, pledging to live in selfless service. This world is going to need all of us to find our paths and light the way for others.
And…I thank you.
