Living on the edge of a coin requires a willingness to acknowledge both sides. In today’s heated political landscape, the art of entertaining someone else’s viewpoint is crucial. Alison Donaghey, of Domino Thinking, is an expert at illuminating angles and encouraging others to “think opposite.” Listen in as she shares the power of seeing different perspectives and how we can all stretch ourselves to live a little bit closer to the edge.

Hello everyone this Tonya Dawn Recla your Super Power Expert and I am delighted to have with me today Allison Donaghey. Well, you already know she’s just going to be delightful and you’re going to love her just as much as I do. She has some really cool concepts that I am so excited to explore. She talks about this thing called “Think Opposite” which we’ll get into a little later I’m sure, it’s a powerful tool for gauging  yourself on how you see the world and how inserting yourself into situations. Alison also has a book called Change Your Business Change the World. You know automatically she is our kind of people because we are all here to change the world. So, without further a due please join me in welcoming Alison to the show.

Welcome Alison!

Hi Tonya! Thank you so much for having me on the show it’s been such a pleasure up until now just getting to chat with you and I totally feel a kindred spirit going on here.

Ah thank you, we love that!

We are going to dive right in and ask you; what are your super powers?

Oh, man! Do I have to pick just one? You know it is interesting because I have been working on this with a friend of mine that is very good at pulling things out. I discovered one of my super powers is the ability to live on the edge of the coin.  By that, I mean I am able to see both sides of the same coin. I use to think it was detrimental and made me somewhat wishy-washy not being able to pick a side. As, I have gotten older and matured somewhat I have realized that it really is a gift. I am able to suspend judgement and look at both sides of issues now. I think when I was younger I found more difficult because I was a bit more opinionated and I think a part of that came from this, not being really certain. Now, I think it is such a gift to be able to look at issue and say “Now this how the other person might be seeing it” or say “Oh, maybe this is how the first person was seeing it.” And just balancing back and forth and getting that well-rounded view. 

Oh, I love that. It is very reminiscent I remember when I was younger my younger brother demanding me to pick a side and I would say I couldn’t because I saw all this different views and sides to the situation.  I was really just kind of gathering information.

You and I talked earlier about this concept of neutrality and I think it’s such a powerful place to play. I too suffered from the whole issue of why can’t I just take a stand on something, what’s wrong with me, do I have no opinion?

Well, I think for a while I had the reverse of that. I had this “This is my thing and I am right” stance because I so did not want to be on the edge of that coin.

Oh, I see like the reactions views…

Right, and I still have some really strong views and I think they are strong because I consider the other side. But back in the day I think they were strong because I am an Aries and I was bull headed. Then I move to more of this neutrality that you talk about where I was able to suspend my own self-importance long enough to see how the other side was important as well. I like being on the edge of the coin I really do. I find that it is so much fun being able to delve in without personally getting vested in that outcome. 

I like that too. So, let’s go right into the whole Think Opposite concept because I think it ties in really nice into what we are talking about. I think you are really onto something here, so let’s dive in. Tell us about Think Opposite. 

Think Opposite is sort of recent name I have come up with for this concept.  Think Opposite is where I want people to at least once a day to think about the opposite of something they believe in. That can be a big issues or it can be small issues. For example, you’re driving down the road, someone is behind you and they’re acting like a jerk. You have the option of getting mad at them slowing down and really messing with that person; or you can take the opposite stance and think well maybe someone they know is in the hospital and they are in a hurry to see them. So, you can suspend your belief of wanting to thing that they are a jerk long enough to say maybe they’re not a jerk. Let’s look at it from the other side and see how that would affect the way you would respond.

Another example may be if you’re fighting with your partner and if you for a second suspended the belief that you were right. How would that change the rest of the argument? If you though and considered for a moment that they have some validity in their argument. Then you can take that to bigger issues such as Pro Life or Pro Choice. Say you’re Pro Life what does the opposition say that is opposed to that belief and what’s the degree it could go to? So, a Pro Choice person could say, “Well, I am not going to be Pro Life because a women could get executed for having an abortion if they became illegal”  and that may change the way the person considers Pro Life. Not saying that have to change the belief, it’s a perfectly legitimate stance and we need people on both sides of the coin.

If they entertain, what their opposition may think of their position it may put them in a position where they’re more likely to have an open conversation and meet some middle ground. Conversely, a Pro-Lifer might say “No, if you have a right to do what you want with your body that means dying with dignity or even suicide and we disagree with that” So, how does that look and where does that end? 

If we consider that, the other person may have legitimacy in their position. That’s where things can get juicy and fun, and that’s where real change happens.

I love all of that. It is so interesting my bachelor degree is in Inner Cultural Communication and with my Masters; I played on that a little bit as a field of education. I studied things like Critical Race theory and what was so cool about it was I was able to do a lot with inner group relations theories and in- group and out-group dynamics. When I met my husband teaching at the Counter Intelligent Special Agent course we actually taught agents about in-group and out-group dynamics.

It is similar to what you are talking about. We will forgive people in our in-group a lot and we will hear them out and take their perspective. If we view someone, as being a member of an out-group it’s exactly what you are talking about its complete disregard for the argument, it can’t be right, and they have to be wrong on some level. So, we would train the agents on how to get into someone’s in-group. Really, it’s just basic being friendly and making an effort to find something to connect on. You can always find that but not if you have already disregarded them.

I love that we are talking about this right now because I follow Seth Godin and I get his Blog every day. I am a little bit in love I am not going to lie. I also just saw him speak not that long ago and so I am even more and love. That was one of his blogs, on how we try to start looking for the difference in each other in a negative way so that we can judge in where we stand in relationship. Whether or not that is where he was going with it, that’s certainly where I went with it. At what point do we decide is that person too different form us. Is it quick, does it take a long time, and why does it happen the way it happens? I love the way the Universe work because here we are now discussing this concept that I just read about in his blog the other day. 

The work that we do with people we are intent on covering all of the fear. Where is fear really ruling your existence and I call it “wack- a- mole” because fear is just the underlying thing and then it just pops in all of these different areas and then you whack it down; and then it pops up in another area and then you whack it down. It’s this ongoing game that we play with ourselves.

When you are in that judgment or discernment sort of space, it is always from fear. So, this is what I work with people a lot in; is even in strategizing and thinking ahead and trying to one up people is always from fear. It’s basically saying, “I don’t have confidence to manage anything in any moment no matter what occurs”. When you come from that space you can have dialog like that saying “Wow, what you’re saying and you feeling like that doesn’t threaten my existence; I am whole confident individual in and of myself someone having an opinion that is different from mine doesn’t shake that.”

I can hear that and even amend my own positioning based on that because I am not coming from that threatened position.

Right. I think the key is getting familiar with our fear, taking it out and looking at it.

Seeing how much of it is real and how much of it is illusion. I think when we refuse to look at our fear we become polarized. We invest all of this energy into suppressing our fear and by doing so we point the fingers and others and concepts as opposed to actually taking it out and saying, “Why am I so afraid to be wrong about this?” or “Why am I afraid to like this person?” Or “Why am I afraid to try this new thing?” It really doesn’t take that much time but boy we are not willing to put that time in.

Well, and it’s scary to people. Because on the flip side of that then they have to say who would I be without fear.

Exactly, but once you start it becomes so much easier. 

Oh yeah, there is no turning back at that point.

Definitely, for anyone who is listening right now who’s not looking at their fears I strongly suggest to take it out and have conversation with it and get intimate because it is controlling you. That’s when life begins when you start looking at it asking what can you do about it.

I will contend too, I know for me personally my drive was the quest for autonomy and sovereignty. I absolutely wanted freedom. It really is interesting because at first I thought “Oh, I just want to find a great job” and then I found a really good job, and then it was like okay that’s not it, I must want to own a business, so I built some businesses and then it turned out that wasn’t it. It was like what am I looking for, where does that come from?

I contend that most people on some level when they feel incomplete are looking for that freedom. So, you’re right there is work that has to be done with that and you have to be willing to get intimate with your fear and have some conversations around it.

Right. If you don’t the amount of energy you put into holding onto it is exhausting. It gives you wrinkles and grey hairs, and cancer and all of these things; when it’s like damn just pull it out and have conversation with it, let’s not go grey before our time. It cost a lot of money to get rid of wrinkles!

Well, you know you are challenging some pretty big industries with that.

Oh well, you know that’s kind of par for the course. 

I’ll brag for a minute. Our daughter is Seven and she’s had her hand in five different business. The latest one is she does videos for people. Someone from the Bob Proctor campaign contacted her to see if she wanted to do some video about his whole stick person theory. I am not sure if you have ever seen it but it talks about the conscious mind, the unconscious mind, and really talking about the power beliefs have over out paradigms.

I was dialoging with her on this and I wasn’t sure she would be able to break it down. So she says” Is it like when you’re tired of people hurting you?” then she says “You know what I mean by hurt right? Like hurt my feeling” and I say “Yes, where are you going with that?” Then she explains “Well, if I have a belief that people hurt you, then people are just going to keep hurting you” and I was just wowed!

Wow! Is right, way to go mom!

Well, goodness I am just trying to keep up.

No, seriously, you are ahead of that curve and parents like you are because the real change is not going to be in my life time. The real change is going to happen with the millennials I know they get such a bad rap.  However, this younger generation that is coming into the world like your daughter, I never know where the millennials start and end, I always get so confused by it. Those are the people in our society that’s going to be able to suspend their fear and to think more openly and creative. You are so contributing to that with your daughter so the rippling effect is so exciting.

Thank you. It is exciting and it is certainly, what drives me, and motivates me, and it always has from the very beginning. I would think to myself what do I want to be for her? Even very early on in the parenting relationship, I would catch myself saying the traditional parenting thing. Then I had to step back and realize, wait, wait, people pay me a lot of money to deprogram them form that very thing.

So, it was definitely a learning curve. I just love how she was able to break it down like that and it is exactly what you and I are talking about.

Where are we creating these things? I will tell you I was floored to find out how many people are sitting on that precipice. Really being able to embody all of these amazing concepts and high vibrational pieces and understand how energy works. Then they don’t do it, and this is my contention, is that they are most afraid of who they might be on the other side or who might not be with them. For me it was like I didn’t care I just leaped over everything. Let’s go! I really do see that holding so many people back.

I totally agree with you. I am trying to think of someone who has taken that leap and doesn’t like who they are on the other side, and I can’t think of anyone.

Haha! Right, did this ever go badly?

Maybe it’s just the circles that I move in or the people that I attract. Most everyone that I can think of that came to understand this concept, I like to say, you can let them in the car but not in the driver seat. Those are the people who are fascinating and exciting and they are the ones that when they die they are going to be sliding into home plate. They are not going to be going there all perfectly made up and I think that is what life is all about. Getting dirty and really pushing those boundaries for yourself and for those around you.

I totally agree. So, let’s get back to you. You are obviously here to change the world. How would you like to do that? You are obviously an educator by nature and just in your very existence. How do you like to use that here?

I love speaking. I love being able to present and idea in an unusual way for an audience to hear. The funny thing is that it’s not that I love being up on stage in front of people, what I love is that end when people come up to me and say, “Wow, I never thought of it that way?”

And then they tell me how it’s effecting them and I’m like wow what I said got that! And it’s exciting!

Magic!

I love working with organization where were able to take a step back. I am putting together a program right now for the health industry with a medical team. Where they are able to suspend their own beliefs long enough to consider the experience of their patient.

I love that!

Yeah!  So, they are looking to bridge that gap between protecting themselves. It’s a difficult part of medicine that they are involved with. They have death and tragedy and the are dealing with marginalized. How do they protect themselves with from getting too emotionally involved and then having people die. Yet still treat the patient with dignity and respect.

It’s quite fascinating and when you think about it. It translate well to all business and yes medicine is a business. We somehow think it’s not, but it is. Whether you have a clothing store; how is your perception of your client effect your business?

Sitting down doing think tank session with medium size organization about how do we get in touch with that? How do we make an impact?

Oh, I love that. That is such important work to be doing. I can just see a lot of really cool implications for that. I just got all tingly knowing that you’re out there doing that!

Oh yeah! I love tingles!

So for any of you who are part of an organization out there who really know you need to start changing some things. I contend whole-heartedly that if organization don’t start taking a hard look at the stuff they will not survive moving forward.

No, they won’t. The way that we’re doing things as a general way, is becoming obsolete. If we don’t get a head of it and start thinking about how we can trust our intuition more in business and really consider it as collaborative. I know that word is being used a lot these days but until I have come up with a better one that’s the word I am using.

It’s constult right, we are more that some of our parts. When we think about a chair and if it was all taken apart part and laying on the floor it has no purpose. Once you actually build that chair the uses are amazing, you can use for sitting or for standing and for reaching high things. All of a sudden it becomes something bigger that itself. When we consider our business and our lives to be something bigger than ourselves, it’s just so juicy.

Yes, I love that. That’s actually one of our tag lines is “We are all more powerful together”

Yes! It’s true!

So, that is sort of the driving force for what we do. I agree with you about the word “collaboration” getting thrown around a lot. What shocked me is how not only is getting thrown around a lot; but very few people understand it and are really in a position to do it.

Oh yeah! There are so many of those words right now. 

That was a really rude awakening for me. For me, I self admittedly didn’t play well with others for a while. Now that I am in that space I do think it comes with gaining that confidence and knowing who you are and that personal power journey fuels it. You can truly only take that so far on your own.

You know for me I get bored and I am like “Okay, what’s next? What can I learn next?” I do it for fun but I would like to think that we are moving swiftly into a time where it is going to be a necessity.

Yes. I also own a house painting company and I am moving out of it and having my son take it over. Early on, I spoke with a successful a business man that I was doing work for, I asked him, “How did you get to where you are?” and he said “ Well, a smarter person that me once told me that the only way to get further is by bringing more people into your organization.”

So, I started hiring more people and I was blown away by how much that amplified. When you think about two people can do and then you think about what four people can do. Four people together can do more together that they can do separately.

Of course, and it’s scary so kudos to for moving into that stage of business because that is what keeps most of the solo entrepreneurs doing what they are doing. It’s scary to them because they don’t know what it looks like. If you’re not confident in who you are and can’t look at other people’s perspective it’s very difficult to lead people successfully and manage people well.

Yes! There are a lot of horror stories around that. If you’re looking for them you are going to find them! That is what will keep you scared. Start looking for those things that prove that suspending your fear can move you forward and make a positive change as appose to focusing on situations that are going to keep you scared.

I love that. I feel like you and I could probably talk for days but I want to ask you do have an example of a live in your power story?

Oh man! Honestly, daily. It’s the same thing with fear once yourself move into it , it happens all of them time.

There are so many times it is really hard to even pick one. Wow that is really hard.

You touched on that and summarized it really well when we talked about nobody that we no of has done this and not liked who they became; and to me that’s and even more powerful example. It show that if you just start living that way and see what happens because your fear is truly unfounded in that space.

Yes, I absolutely agree. I think we think that there is going to be this big “Ah ha” moment and for some people there is but for most people is just an accumulation of little tiny wins. Then you look back and think wow I got from there to here.

When I thought about my life five years ago I would have never thought I would have ended up here. It was not like I had this epiphany, it was more like I had one tough conversation and then I had one more, and then one more. Then I trusted myself to say things that I thought were unpopular only to find that other people agreed with me. Then I didn’t feel like I was in isolation, I felt like I had this permission to talk about things further. Then the next month I had another example of permission and then the follow year there was a lot of permission. I think a lot of the intuitive living is a basic level of paying attention.

That is perfect. Thank you so much for sharing so much of yourself with us today. Where can we send people to find out more about you? Where can we send them?

You can send them to my website at www.dominothinking.com or you can find me on Facebook under my name Alison Donaghey, or can email me at [email protected]. I love when people email me and share their story. I love hearing peoples stories, I am a story fanatic!

You can find my book on Amazon Change Your Business Change the World or if you Google it you will find the book there. I would love to hear how this book has impacted you, because I am finding that it is impacting people in ways that I never imagined when I wrote the book.

I love that. I have no doubt you are going to continue to do magical things in the world. Thank you for sharing some space with us today.

Oh, thank you it has been such a treat. You just made my day!

Awesome! Well, to all of our listeners out there until next time go out discover your super powers and change the world. Take care everyone!

Learn more about Alison Donaghey